Avoid These 3 Things In Your Marriage

Insights:

3 Things To Avoid In Your Marriage

Most of the time we are talking about ways to grow your marriage. Today let’s look at some things to avoid in your marriage.

Lack of Respect: Respect is a fundamental aspect of any healthy marriage. Sometimes one spouse will belittle the other, and even disrespect them in public. Does that help your marriage? How do you feel when you see another couple doing this? Unfortunately this happens in a number of marriages. It is rare for me to see a couple for counseling that has not dealt with disrespect. I think it just becomes a negative mindset for us. How do we battle this? Ask God to help you treat each other with kindness, understanding, and consideration. Put God in the middle of this issue and let Him help you rebuild the respect you have for each other.

Holding Grudges: Holding grudges can lead to resentment and bitterness. You won't find either of those in an Awesome Marriage. We are all going to make mistakes in our marriages. Expecting our spouse to be perfect sets us up for disappointment. Grudges start with unforgiveness and fester as the person continues to dwell on past wrongs. Are you holding a grudge against your spouse? Ask God to help you forgive your spouse and let go of any and all past wrongs.

Overcommitting: It's important for couples to avoid taking on too much and overwhelming themselves, whether together or individually. This can lead to stress and tension in marriage. Marriage is so different from single life. As a single you had one person to consider and that was you. If you overcommitted, it only affected you. In marriage, if you overcommit it affects both you and your spouse. I love to please people. Yet, when Nancy and I married, I learned that I could not continue saying yes to every request. It took me away from home too much. Every yes to someone else was a no to time with Nancy. I had to learn to say no. What about you? Do you take on too much? Do you feel overwhelmed? What can you begin saying no to so you can say yes to your spouse?

Next Steps:

  • So, which of these three did you relate to? Lack of respect, holding a grudge, or overcommitting?

  • Pick the one you need to work on the most and take that step forward today. 

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Knute Rockne

Knute Kenneth Rockne was born on March 4, 1888 in Voss, Norway and was an American football player and coach at the University of Notre Dame. He led Notre Dame for 13 seasons, while accumulating over 100 wins and three national championships.

  • We count on winning. And if we lose, don't beef. And the best way to prevent beefing is - don't lose.

  • Football is a game played with arms, legs and shoulders but mostly from the neck up.

  • Build up your weaknesses until they become your strong points.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

Which famous product was originally marketed as the “Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage”?

Did You Know:

Fish form orderly queues in emergencies. When evacuating through narrow spaces in sketchy situations, schools of neon tetra fish queue so that they don’t collide or clog up the line. Scientists interpreted this behavior as showing that fish can respect social rules even in emergency situations, unlike us humans!

Something to Talk About:

Would you rather travel the world together or build a dream home together?

Awesome MarRiage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Coca Cola

Kim KimberlingComment
What Would You Do With A “Catch Up” Day?

Insights:

Today is Leap Day or “Leap Year Day.” Those born on this day are called “leapers.” If you were born on this day you are one in 1,461 and there are at least 5 million people celebrating with you today. Leap year was first initiated by Julius Caesar in 45 BC, but it seems he got the idea from the Egyptians. 

The time it takes for the Earth to complete a full revolution around the sun is not a whole number. Though we call it 365 days, it actually takes 365.2422, according to National Geographic. So the 0.2422 days add up. If we didn’t do anything about it, the months during which we experience each season would shift. Over time we could have snow in the summer and a sunburn on Christmas Day. Every four years, that 0.2422 days adds up to give us one full day, which is why we add an extra day every four years.

I think we all need a catchup day. A day to get things back in order. A day to make sure we don’t keep doing things that will take us away from who God created us to be. A day to refocus on the important things in life. 

Maybe you are aware that things need to change but just haven’t made the effort to begin. It could be your anger that is often out of control. It could be looking at porn even though you know how destructive it can be. Maybe it is a bad habit that has become way too normal. Maybe it is an apology that you know needs to happen but that you have avoided. Maybe it is slowing down and refocusing on the really important things in life. A catchup day.

For me, I am going to take time to get things back in order. I have the tendency to spread myself too thin. I take on more than I have time to do while still being the husband, dad, and granddad that I want to be. I run like that for a while but eventually it will catch up with me and I will get depressed or just feel tired all the time. 

My body has its own way of telling me I am ignoring the red flags, and letting me know I need to slow down and catch up. 

What about you? What will you do with your catchup day?

Next Steps:

  • Take time to really look at your life and pick one thing to work on today.

  • Focus on that for the next 21 days and let me know your results!

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

Tony Robbins 

Anthony J. Mahavira Was born in North Hollywood, California on February 29, 1960.

He is an American author, coach and speaker. He is known for his  seminars, and self-help books including the books Unlimited Power and Awaken the Giant Within.

  • The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.

  • It's not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.

  • I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

A French newspaper only gets published on Leap Year, once every 4 years.

A) True

B) False

Did You Know:

Feb. 29 is not really a legal day. Many companies don’t recognize Leap Day as a “valid day.” They make leapers choose Feb. 28 or March 1 as their birthday instead.

Something to Talk About:

What movie scene never fails to make you laugh out loud?

Awesome MarRiage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • A.  True - La Bougie du Sapeur appears at newsstands across France every four years for one day only, Leap Day. The satirical journal, originally published in 1980, sells about 150,000 copies each leap year.

Kim KimberlingComment
Add These 3 Things to Your Marriage Bucket List

Insights:

Add These 3 Things to Your Marriage Bucket List

Do you have a bucket list? It may not be written out but it is up there somewhere in your brain. I have a good friend whose bucket list is to see a baseball game in every major league stadium. I have another friend who wants to visit every state in the USA. Those are great but what about a bucket list for your marriage? What would go on that list for you? Here are three ideas:

Go back to the place where you had your first date. Nancy and I met at TCU in Ft. Worth. About ten years ago we were in Ft. Worth when I spoke at a marriage conference. We had a free afternoon so we headed to the TCU campus. We visited the freshmen girls dorm where I picked up Nancy for our first date. We drove by the dining hall where we ate so many meals together. Then we went searching for the apartment I lived in senior year with one of my fraternity brothers. The empty two-story building was still there but overgrown trees and grass surrounded it. The pool looked like it had not been cleaned in years. It’s funny though, as we walked around the property we looked past its current condition and remembered great times we had together there.  


Learn a new skill together. There are many possibilities here. It could be an art class, or learning to ski. The list is endless. Over the past couple of years Nancy and I have had a blast learning how to play pickleball. Whether playing with grandkids or friends, we try to play together two or three times a week and we really are getting better. This idea of learning a new skill may stretch one or both of you, but brainstorm some ideas and then pick one that looks like fun that will work for you two.

Serve on a mission trip together. This was not on our list until an opportunity came for us to travel to Amsterdam, where we worked with people from third world countries. It was a powerful experience that changed the way we look at so many things. It was life changing and marriage changing. I was so thankful that we were able to experience it together.  What about you? You could take a mission trip close to home or across the globe. Serving others together is also experiencing something powerful together. Where would you like to serve? When would you go? 

Defining your bucket list and making plans to carry it out are a big part of this idea. It is a great way to connect and to grow your marriage. My challenge to you is to begin making your marriage bucket list together today.

Next Steps:

  • Brainstorm together what you would like to have on your bucket list.

  • Now pick one thing to begin working on together.

I had a great conversation with Kent Evans recently. Enjoy this clip on dealing with the pressure to be a perfect dad. Hear more from Kent in our upcoming podcast episode.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

John Steinbeck

American writer John Steinbeck was born on February 27,1902 in Salinas, California. He won the 1962 Nobel Prize in Literature for his realistic and imaginative writings. He has been called "a giant of American letters."

  • A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.

  • You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway.

  • The profession of book writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

What is the main ingredient in Bombay Duck?

Did You Know:

Venus is the only planet that spins clockwise. Every 225 Earth days, Venus travels around the sun, but Venus rotates clockwise once every 243 days.

Something to Talk About:

If there’s one thing that you could have natural talent in, what would it be and why?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Fish 

Kim KimberlingComment