Living in Truth: The Power of Your Mind

Insights:

The Power of Your Mind

There is a lot written and talked about today on the power of the mind and learning to control our thoughts. Studies continue to show the effects of stress and negative thinking on our brains and bodies. In counseling people, I see the effects of negative thinking and the toll it takes on a person. When we believe a lie to be true, we live and act as if it is true.  

Let me say that again, when we believe a lie to be true, we live and act as if it is true.  

For instance, if as a child your parent told you you were a disappointment, how would that affect you? As a child, you would be upset. Maybe really upset. After all, it was your parent who said that; the person who is supposed to love and take care of you. But now you are a disappointment to them. 

Many children would believe it to be true. Why wouldn't they? This now becomes part of their identity, and in scenario after scenario they feel they disappoint the people they are in relationship with, no matter how many times those people say they do not. 

On the other hand, how does that same child handle the truth that God made them perfectly and loves them unconditionally? God did not make a mistake when they were born, but that becomes hard to believe. They doubt the truth, and instead think that what their parent said must be true.  

Our life experiences color our thoughts and beliefs. As we go through life, we continue to encounter truths that just don’t make sense to us, so we doubt them. Then we find lies that we latch onto as if they were written in stone. 

I once counseled a man who was losing everything. His marriage, his family, his job - everything. As we talked he said, “I always knew this would happen. My dad told me I would never be successful in anything.” This man carried the “I will never be successful” lie for years.  In his mind, it was no surprise that his marriage was failing or that he was losing another job. As we talked, he was finally able to remember the situation when his dad said those words. He was 10 years old and like a lot of 10-year-old boys, would rather play outside than do his homework. 

One evening his frustrated dad said, “If you don’t do your homework, you will never be successful.” His dad was trying to motivate his son but all the son heard were the words, “You will never be successful.” The truth was that God had given him everything he needed to be successful but because of his dad’s words, that truth was almost impossible to embrace. His doubts beat down the truth.

In our marriages, we doubt truths and believe lies. Some of that comes from our family of origin.  It is the baggage we bring into our marriage. Some come from our life experiences. Some come from what we experience in our marriage.

A marriage is only as healthy as the husband and the wife that make it. To get healthy, we have to renew our minds. What Paul taught in the Bible is what many mental health professionals are saying today. What we focus on and think about determines so much of who we are. If we doubt the truth and believe the lie, we get stuck and we never experience all God has for us in life and in marriage. 

Renew your mind. It’s time to do something different. It’s time to see yourself through God’s eyes. It’s time to see your spouse as the gift they are to you. Lies and doubts have no place in an Awesome Marriage. 

Next Steps:

  • What truths are you doubting today?  

  • What lies are you continuing to believe?

  • What steps do you need to take to be able to see yourself as God sees you?

 How can you grow spiritually in marriage? Nancy and I talk about ways to grow closer to God together.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

George Harrison

George Harrison was born at 12 Arnold Grove in Wavertree, Liverpool, on 25 February 1943. He was an English musician, singer and songwriter who achieved international fame as the lead guitarist of the Beatles. George was sometimes called "the quiet Beatle." 

  • The world used us as an excuse to go mad.

  • If we'd know we were going to be the Beatles, we'd have tried harder.

  • I wanted to be successful, not famous.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • What is the signature food dish served at Wimbledon?

Did You Know: Rapid Fire Edition

  • Tigers not only have stripes on their fur but also on their skin.

  • Wearing headphones for just an hour could increase the bacteria in your ears by 700 times. 

  • Froot Loops are all the same flavor despite their different colors. (That really disappoints me!)

Something to Talk About:

Would you rather be wealthy or intelligent?

Awesome MarRiage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Strawberries and cream      

Kim KimberlingComment
What are some ways to feed your soul?

Insights:

Feeding Your Soul Or ………..

I am always looking for ways to feed my soul. I want to be closer to God. I want to focus on the things that make me a better man, a better husband, father, grandfather and friend. I read. I pray. I journal. I read the Bible and pray that God will help me to learn what He wants me to learn. I try to be quiet and listen for His voice. 

I know those can all feed my soul. This is what I recently discovered. I have to focus and be very intentional in consistently doing those things. None of them come easy. I am selfish and I have to fight that tendency. Yet, I know that feeding my soul is essential to my life.

A couple of weeks ago I was listening to a podcast and a guest posed this question, “What are you doing to feed your flesh?” I was working out at the time and I stopped. I just stopped. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about that before. 

Sure, I am aware of sin and the battle we fight against it but for me, this was a different take. 

What do I choose daily to feed my flesh with and how does that match up against the things that I do to feed my soul? I’m not going to lay out all my dirty laundry here but here are some of the things I thought about:  What am I choosing to watch? What am I listening to? What am I reading? What does it mean when I get mad at another driver? What things do I justify in my mind? What behaviors feed my flesh and not my soul? 

For me, feeding my flesh puts me on the front burner and God on the back burner. 

I haven’t solved this issue in my life yet but it has given me a new perspective that I think is good for me. It is something I want to be aware of and begin to process every day. It is going to involve saying “no” to myself every day. So, I invite you to join me on this journey.  You can let me know you are “in” by emailing me at drkim@awesomemarriage.com. 

Next Steps:

  • What are you doing to feed your soul?

  • What are you doing to feed your flesh?

I had an awesome conversation with Faith Eury Cho that will air later this month on the Podcast. In this clip, she shares 3 Ways the Holy Spirit Affects Your Marriage

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

Ansel Adams

Ansel Adams was born in the Fillmore District of San Francisco on February 20, 1902 and was an American landscape photographer and environmentalist known for his black-and-white images of the American West.

  • There are always two people in every picture: the photographer and the viewer.

  • Sometimes I do get to places just when God's ready to have somebody click the shutter. 

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • Before founding Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg created a website that allowed users to compare the attractiveness of two people side by side. What was the name of this website?

Did You Know:    

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. This could be why the birds often run round in circles when trying to escape predators despite their fast running speed.

Something to Talk About:

If your house started burning and everyone else including your spouse, your kids, and your family  pets are safe, what item would you take one last dash into the house to save?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Facemash 

Kim KimberlingComment
More of The Worst Marriage Advice Ever

Insights:

The Absolute Worst Marriage Advice Ever - Part 2

No matter how well meaning people can be, a lot of bad marriage advice gets passed on. Last week we looked at four of the worst. (Catch up by looking at last week’s Dispatch). Let’s look at four more this week. 

Your spouse will “complete” you.

I really liked the movie Jerry Maguire but I can hardly watch it now because I know that line is coming: “You complete me.” God created each of us in a unique way. He is the one who completes us. Depending on someone else to do God’s job sets us and our marriage up for failure. I’m sorry if I ruined this romantic movie moment for you. But really, Nancy cannot complete me. God does and Nancy is the icing on the cake. Think about that one for a while.

Marriage should make you happy.

Am I happy in my marriage? Yes. Is it Nancy’s job to make me happy? No. That puts the responsibility for my emotions on her and there is no way she can control my emotions. That is my responsibility, and for me is a direct correlation to where I am in my relationship with God. The apostle Paul puts it best when he says that he is always content no matter what is going on around him. His contentment came from God. Same is true for us. And with contentment, happiness often comes along too. 

Thinking more of your spouse and kids than of yourself is a sign that you are a loving person.

In the book of Mark, Jesus says the second greatest commandment is to, “love our neighbor as ourselves.” In our culture that is translated as putting spouse, kids, etc above ourselves. It seems like the servant-hearted thing to do, but that is not what Jesus is saying. He says we have to love ourselves. If I do not love myself, I cannot love others like God wants me to. There will be too much of my junk getting in the way. It’s not about being selfish, but rather it’s taking care of my mental, physical and spiritual health. Then I can love others, especially Nancy, as God wants me to.

Spouses will naturally grow closer as time goes by

I want this to be true. If just the passage of time drew us closer together, all couples would be completely knit as one after so many years. I just do not see this happening. Spouses grow closer because they are intentional about growing their marriage, they communicate well, they consistently resolve their conflicts, they keep their sex life healthy, and they put God at the center of their marriage. Marriage was never meant to be a sprint. It is a marathon and there are a lot of obstacles along the way. It is a team race. It’s navigating the obstacles together. It’s always keeping our focus on the goal of an awesome marriage.


Next Steps:

  • Of the four pieces of “worst marriage advice ever” listed in today’s Insights, which one(s) have you believed?

  • Which one(s) will you begin working on together?

Nancy joined me for our monthly Marriage Changer video to talk about “How to be a Team in Hard Times” 

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

 Rosa Parks

Rosa Parks was born on February 4, 1913. She was an American activist in the civil rights movement best known for her pivotal role in the Montgomery bus boycott. The United States Congress honored her as "the first lady of Civil Rights" and "the mother of the freedom movement."

  • I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.

  • I would like to be remembered as a person who wanted to be free... so other people would be also free.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • We haven’t done an animal trivia question in a while so, “What is the only mammal born with horns?”

Did You Know:    

  • If all the Lego mini-figures came to life, they would comprise the largest population on Earth. That would even be greater than China, which has the largest human population in the world!

Something to Talk About:

  • If you could plan one perfect day for you and your spouse, what would it look like?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  •  A giraffe is the only mammal born with horns!

Kim KimberlingComment