A Simple Way to Cure Boredom in Marriage

Insights:

Deeper Still

Do you know everything there is to know about your spouse? Are you bored in your marriage because you feel like you know all their stories and everything seems predictable? 

I often say that I don’t think we can know everything there is to know about a person even in an entire lifetime. The same is definitely true of our spouse. We can never know enough about our spouse. People are too complex and we change over time. 

I do think however, that sometimes we stop trying to know our spouse and everything about them. Even if you know all their stories, all about their life before and with you, all about their days and weeks - even if you know their whole life story. You might feel like you know the expanse of them, but trust me - you can go deeper still. 

You may know all the facts about their day, but do you know all the feelings they felt that day? Do you know all that they thought about? 

If you are bored in your conversations with your spouse, I encourage you to go deeper. Don’t just talk about facts, ask better questions about the depths of your spouse. Open-ended questions and follow up questions are great places to start. 

Being a student of your spouse improves your marriage on a multitude of levels. So don’t neglect this practice. Don’t stop trying to know your spouse. And if you find yourself at a roadblock, stop moving and start digging. 


Next Steps For You:

  • What good questions will you ask your spouse today?

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Hulk Hogan

Born in Augusta, Georgia on August 11,1953 as Terry Gene Bollea is better known as Hulk Hogan. He is a retired professional wrestler. He is widely regarded as the most recognized wrestling star worldwide and the most popular wrestler of the 1980s, as well as one of the greatest professional wrestlers of all time.

  • To all my little Hulkamaniacs, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.

  • People always expect Hulk Hogan to be standing up straight, or to have the bandanna on, or to not have my arms covered up. If I have an extra large shirt on people go 'oh yeah you look small.' It kind of ruins the mystique.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What is the least popular car color internationally?

Did You Know?  

  • Lobsters taste with their feet. Tiny bristles inside a lobster’s little pincers are their equivalent to human taste buds. Meanwhile, lobsters’ teeth are in one of their three stomachs.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather travel 10 minutes or 100 years to the future?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Purple cars are the least popular.

Kim KimberlingComment
The Lie That Starts Most Affairs

Insights:

What You Want To See: The Lie That Starts Most Affairs

With most of life, we only let others see what we want them to see. In marriage, you can no longer dictate and control what your spouse sees of you. One of the hardest things about marriage is that you see your spouse at their worst. We are more composed, polite, and outwardly put together for the rest of the world because we can control what others think of us. 

But at home, everything is different. No one can be perfect 100% of the time. Our sin is going to be revealed at home more than anywhere else. 

Marriage is such an incredibly intimate relationship and because of that our sin is revealed more in marriage. Our home and our marriage should be a refuge for us. It should be the place where it’s okay to be broken. A place where our spouse can see all of us, broken mess, sin and all. 

But all those other people out there? They are still only letting you see what they want you to see. The problem with that is, sometimes you really believe that what you are seeing is their real self, and all of them. Which is the lie that starts MOST affairs. 

Here’s how it plays out: you start thinking less of your spouse and more of someone else of the opposite sex. You start to compare your broken, vulnerable spouse and all their flaws to the put together show that another person is putting on. 

You compare your spouse’s bloopers to someone else’s highlight reel believing it’s a fair comparison. And all the sudden you start thinking it’d be better to be with that other person because, from what you can tell, that other person is better. 

But this is a LIE. That person you’re tempted to have an affair with, they are only letting you see what they want you to see. They have flaws too. They have quirks that would annoy you and irritate you too. They sin too. So don’t believe the lie that they are better than your spouse and that your life would be better with them. 


Next Steps For You:

  • Pray and ask God to help you see the good in your spouse.

  • Pray and ask God to help you not be fooled by the lies satan would love you to believe about going outside your marriage.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Neil Armstrong

Neil Armstrong was born on August 5, 1930 near Wapakoneta, Ohio and was an American astronaut and aeronautical engineer who in 1969 became the first person to walk on the Moon. 

  • It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small.

  • I am, and ever will be, a white socks, pocket protector, nerdy engineer.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • Between the ages of two and five, how many questions does a child ask, on average?

Did You Know?  

  • In the Philippines, McDonald’s serves spaghetti. The pasta comes with a beef tomato sauce and a piece of “McDo” fried chicken.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather always be a little uncomfortably hot or a little uncomfortably cold?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • 40,000 questions.

Kim KimberlingComment
Curiosity Can Revive Your Marriage

Insights:

Curiosity Can Revive Your Marriage

Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it can bring new life to your marriage. We often aren’t curious enough. We are quick to make statements and solidify our opinions of each other without asking why or giving credit to the fact that we may be missing something because we are lacking important information. 

One of my biggest roles as a counselor is asking questions. Good questions. Questions that get answers to the things that aren’t being said. Those unspoken things are often the beginning to the solution of my patients' problems. 

What if you became curious in your marriage, too? What if the next time you are upset about something your spouse does, you get curious and then look for how you two can work together to resolve the problem?

The next time you are fighting or upset with your spouse, I challenge you to ask a few questions, calmy, before you state how you feel. If your spouse snaps at you, instead of snapping back at them to be kind to you, ask if they are okay. Ask if anything is bothering them, ask them about their day. You may find answers that will soften your response to them and meet them at a time where they need you. 

Not only will being curious help solve conflict in your marriage, it will deepen and strengthen your relationship. Know your spouse deeply by being a student of your spouse, by being curious about your spouse. Ask questions, good questions, often and consistently. Ask them questions big and small. Remember to be curious about your spouse. 

P.S. I had a great conversation with Bob Goff on the podcast where he talked a lot about how curiosity keeps us growing and learning. See below for the link to that episode! 


Next Steps For You:

The next time you are upset with your spouse, get curious by asking them these questions:

  • Ask them if they are okay 

  • Ask them if anything is bothering them 

  • Ask them about their day. 

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Don Henley

Donald Hugh Henley was born on July 22, 1947 in Gilmer, Texas and was a founding member of the Eagles. As a solo artist, Henley has sold over 10 million albums worldwide, had eight top 40 singles, won two Grammy Awards and five MTV Video Music Awards. Combined with the Eagles and as a solo artist, Henley has released 25 top 40 singles on the Billboard Hot 100.

  • Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge.

  • I have a certain pool of subject matter that I like to write about, things that interest me: politics, religion, ecology, and relationships between men and women. And that's usually what I focus on.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What is the unlikely job that Pope Francis astoundingly used to work as?

Did You Know?  

  • It's impossible to hum while holding your nose. Normally, when you hum, the air is able to escape through your nose to create the sound, and of course, it can’t do that when you’re holding it shut. This is one of the weird facts you can test out for yourself.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather spend a Saturday in the city shopping or sightseeing?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • He worked as a bouncer at a nightclub.

Kim KimberlingComment