What Happens If We Stop Pursuing?

Insights:

What Happens If We Stop Pursuing?

As men, at the start of a new relationship, we pursue a woman with everything that we have.  We “wine and dine” her. We send flowers, we text her all day long, we bring her favorite coffee order to her every time we see her, and do whatever else we find out that she likes. She becomes our focus 24/7 until she says “yes.” 

Then, some time after the wedding an interesting thing happens. We stop pursuing. All that effort we put into “getting her” is now focused elsewhere. As men we are conquerors. Like hunters, we go after our prey until we “bag” it. Then we move on to something else. 

That entire process would be great if not for one thing. That was not God’s plan. Oh, the pursuit was His plan and getting her to say “yes” was His plan, but His plan was not for us to stop there. The wedding was not supposed to be a big red stop sign telling us that our pursuing days are over.  

From the couples I have counseled, I have learned that there is not one “stop pursuing” time that fits all. It may come with a new job, trying to better yourself in the job you have, or when the first child is born. That tendency to stop the pursuit seems to be in all of us. Guess what? It does not work. It never has and it never will.  

Let me say it this way. Whatever you did to get her to say “yes” is what you need to keep doing! Ladies, you don’t get off the hook here either: Whatever you did to get him to propose to you and marry you, keep it up!

So ask yourself, better yet ask your spouse: “What are 3 things I did while we were dating that you really loved?” Then make a plan to start doing those things again! 

What I have learned over the years is that you just don’t get marriage right one time and then coast the rest of your years together. That will never give you an Awesome Marriage, but continuing to pursue will!

Next Steps For You:

  • Ask your spouse: “What are 3 things I did while we were dating that you really loved?” Then make a plan to start doing those things again! 

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold Schwarzenegger was born on July 30, 1947 in Thal, Austria. He is an actor, businessman, filmmaker, politician, and retired professional bodybuilder best known for his roles in high-profile action movies. He served as the 38th governor of California from 2003 to 2011 and was among Time magazine's 100 most influential people in the world in 2004 and 2007.

  • Help others and give something back. I guarantee you will discover that while public service improves the lives and the world around you, its greatest reward is the enrichment and new meaning it will bring your own life.

  • If it's hard to remember, it'll be difficult to forget.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What do the two “M”s of M&Ms stand for?

Did You Know?  

  • Supermarket apples can be a year old. Those fresh apples aren’t all that fresh, per say. They’re usually picked between August and November, covered in wax, hot-air dried, and sent into cold storage. After six to 12 months, they finally land on your grocery store shelves.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather speak your mind or keep the peace?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • The names of the candy’s creators: Forrest Mars and Bruce Murrie.

Kim KimberlingComment
How to Handle the Impossible Days

Insights:

How to Handle the Impossible Days

I love marriage. It’s God’s good design and when done right it can be a beautiful union. But that doesn’t mean marriage is easy. It’s not. It’s actually incredibly hard; most great things are. 

In marriage, two sinners are put together in a very intimate relationship. Relationships expose our sin. Which means there are going to be days that feel impossible in your marriage. Days that make you feel like having a good marriage isn’t even possible. Days that are dark and defeating. Days where you wonder why on earth you married this person in the first place. Days where you almost hate your spouse and can’t imagine loving them again. 

It can feel so defeating when you are in an endless fighting cycle. It can feel so discouraging when your needs aren’t being met, when you don’t feel loved or seen or heard by your spouse. It can feel like a heavy weight is on your shoulders when marriage isn’t going well at all, when it’s actually going terribly. You carry that weight with you everywhere you go. It’s hard and it feels impossible. 

In those impossible days, your weapon is not the obvious: Getting revenge, finding a new way to make your spouse know you are right, winning the argument, leaving… None of that will alleviate the pain of impossible days. What will? Remembering. Remember that you married your spouse for a reason. Remember you loved them once and can love them again. Remember you are strong. Remember God forgave you and your spouse. Remember you can forgive. Remember that this hard thing, too, shall pass. 

So the next time you have an “impossible day” in your marriage, remember to remember. Take time to pray and journal and take time to remember that you can love your spouse, you can forgive, and with hard work you two can have an awesome marriage again.

Next Steps For You:

  • Define your “impossible days.” What are they and how do they affect you and your marriage?

  • Take time this week to “remember” and pray and journal and see what God does!

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Gerald Ford

Leslie Lynch King, Jr. was born on July 14, 1913 and later took the name of his step-father Gerald Rudloff Ford in 1935. Ford became the first person appointed to the vice presidency under the terms of the 25th Amendment. After the subsequent resignation of President Nixon in August 1974, Ford immediately assumed the presidency and is the only person to become U.S. president without winning an election for president or vice president.

  • A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

  • I am acutely aware that you have not elected me as your President by your ballots, so I ask you to confirm me with your prayers.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • Though smoking is illegal on airplane flights, what piece of smoking paraphernalia must be kept on every plane in case of an emergency?

Did You Know?  

  • Our current 50-star flag was designed as part of a high school project by 17-year old Robert Heff. It was 1958, and there were only 48 states at the time but Heff had a hunch Hawaii and Alaska would soon be granted statehood. Heff submitted his design to the White House, eventually leading to a call from President Eisenhower that it had been selected as the official U.S. flag.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather be a fantastic storyteller, inspired by embarrassing moments, or never do anything embarrassing but not have funny stories?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Ash Trays

Kim KimberlingComment
2 Ways to Keep Comparison from Wrecking Your Sex Life

Insights:

2 Ways to Keep Comparison from Wrecking Your Sex Life

How we view our physical appearance plays a big part in our sex life in marriage. In our culture, women seem to struggle in this area more than men do. A woman cannot go anywhere without seeing something that depicts the “perfect look” or the “perfect body.” 

Whether it is the magazine rack at the grocery store checkout, the latest streaming series or movie, or pop ups on the computer, the temptation to compare yourself to someone else is everywhere. It’s not fair. Plus, we now know that almost every photo is edited. Hollywood can transform anyone into perfection. It just takes a few hours of preparation, makeup, and a little extra help here and there from the editors. 

The problem is that many ladies believe they should look like these unrealistic images. The answer is simple: Stop. Stop comparing. Stop believing that you have to look a certain way to be attractive to your husband. 

Start believing him when he tells you that you are beautiful and sexy and that he wants only you. Remember he chose you and you chose him. Remember what God says about you, that you are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14 ESV). You are perfect in God’s eyes. He does not make mistakes. He sees who you are inside and the beauty of your heart. 

I have counseled so many women who buy into the unrealistic beauty ideals culture pushes. They struggle to see themselves through God’s eyes and to embrace the love their spouse gives them. You are missing out on so much when you don’t do those two things. So listen to God. Listen to your husband. Rejoice in who you are!


Next Steps For You:

  • Wives, let God renew your mind so you see yourself through His eyes and not the eyes of the world.

  • Husbands, never quit telling your wife how beautiful and sexy she is!

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Toby Keith

I see him on the sidelines at OU football games and in the stands cheering OU softball. He is passionate about all things America and continues his fight against cancer. Toby Keith was born on July 8, 1961 in Clinton, Oklahoma, and is a singer, songwriter, and actor. He has at least 20 number one music singles and has charted 61 singles on the Billboard Hot Country songs.

  • “Don’t compromise even if it hurts to be yourself.”

  • “I write all year, and at the end of the year I put an album out. And if it sucks, it sucks, and if it’s good, it’s good. I just let it lay where it lays. It doesn’t stop from doing another one next year.”

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • How much taller can the Eiffel Tower grow in the heat of the summer due to the warming of the tower’s iron?

Did You Know?  

  • The original 3 Musketeers bars of the 1930s came in three-packs, with a different nougat flavor in each: vanilla, chocolate, or strawberry. World War II rations made that triple threat expensive, so the company cut down to one.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather only be able to listen to a single musical artist for the rest of your life or never be able to listen to your favorite artist again?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • 15 Centimeters

Kim KimberlingComment