2 Ways To Stay Close Through Every Phase

Insights:

2 Ways To Stay Close Through Every Phase

Is it possible for a couple to stay connected over a lifetime together? Every couple goes through a series of phases in their marriage. It’s important for a husband and wife to navigate each of these phases with the goal of ending up together in the later years of their life in a marriage they truly value and cherish.

When I think about our first few years of marriage, life was simple. I was working, and Nancy was going to school and working. Sure, we had our struggles, but we were getting to know each other at a deeper level. We had few distractions from our marriage. That was phase one for us—those early years of marriage without kids.

Phase two started when the kids came, and they were an incredible blessing. Our marriage grew during that time, but it was different than before. There were now four of us, and the kids took a lot of time and energy. We had to be very intentional about our time together as husband and wife. I think raising kids is the perfect example of the idea that “the days are long, but the years go really fast.” I thought the diaper years would never end!

Then came the empty nest years as the kids left home and began their journeys as adults. If couples can navigate the “kids at home” years well and stay connected and intentional in their relationship, this transition to the empty nest phase can go pretty smoothly. However, if a couple neglects their relationship while raising kids, this transition to the empty nest phase can be very trying.

When I think about the different phases we’ve been through there are 2 things that kept us married through each phase’s highs and lows:

God. Of course. Praying together, praying over our marriage, and asking God to sustain us kept us together. If you aren’t praying for your marriage and asking God to guide you, start today! He is the one who sustains everything. 

Continuing to think of us as a married couple and using “we” language. During those years of raising children it’s easy to start living separate lives. But even when we didn’t have much time for each other we both fought for the “we” language. We fought for it in our thought lives, our conversations with friends and family, and we fought for it in our calendars. We made sure we knew we were married and that we were a team, and we fought for time together.


Next Steps For You:

  • What phase are you currently in?

  • How is your marriage doing? 

  • What would make it better? 

  • What will you do today to make it better?

2 Minute Drill

When I interviewed Matt Hammitt, former lead singer for Sanctus Real, he talked about the process of becoming the man and leader that he imagined he could be. Don’t miss this one.  

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Paul McCartney

Nancy and I have seen Sir Paul McCartney live in concert twice. Both rank in the all time top five concerts that we have seen together. Paul was born in Liverpool, England on June 18, 1944. His honors include two inductions into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame (as a member of the Beatles in 1988 and as a solo artist in 1999), an Academy Award, a Primetime Emmy Award, 18 Grammy Awards, an appointment as a Member of the Order of the British Empire in 1965 and a knighthood in 1997 for services to music. As of 2020, he was one of the wealthiest musicians in the world, with an estimated fortune of £800 million.

  • “Music is like a psychiatrist. You can tell your guitar things that you can't tell people. And it will answer you with things people can't tell you.”

  • “What I have to say is all in the music. If I want to say anything, I write a song.”

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • On November 27, 2004, Garry Turner achieved the world record for having the most clothespins clipped to his face at one time. How many clothespins were on his face?

Did You Know?  

  • Three U.S. presidents—Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Jimmy Carter—have won Grammys.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather swim with sharks or run into a bear while hiking?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • 159 Clothespins

Kim KimberlingComment
The 3 Day Rule

Insights:

The 3 Day Rule Stops Money Problems Before They Start 

Money issues can eat away at a marriage. Money is definitely up there on the list of things couples fight about the most. One thing I see a lot of couples run into is how and when to make major purchases. 

Something I learned in the early years of my marriage that has served us, our finances, and our marriage well is the 3 day rule. Before we make a major money decision we discuss it and decide together and then sit on the idea, amount, and plan for spending that money for 3 full days before we make a final decision together. You’d be surprised how much your mind can change in 3 days!

Using the 3 day rule allows you more mental space to discern what’s best for you and your spouse. We are all naturally a little fickle and what we think we want or need one day can change the next. Having patience and giving it your sincere thought before making a major money choice is just plain wise and helps build patience. You will feel better about the money you do spend if you take more time to make a decision. 


Next Steps For You:

  • How can the 3 day rule benefit your marriage?

  • Implement the 3 day rule in your marriage and give it a test run the next time a buying opportunity is in front of you.

2 Minute Drill

Debra Fileta shares how to heal a shameful mindset. This was a great interview. 

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Barbara Bush

Barbaran Bush was born on June 8, 1925 in New York City. When she was 16, Barbara met George H.W. Bush. The two married in 1945, and she served as First Lady from 1989-1993. 

  • You may think the president is all-powerful, but he is not. He needs a lot of guidance from the Lord.

  • Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people - your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.

This Week’s Trivia Question: Snacks

  • Which famous product was originally marketed as the “Esteemed Brain Tonic and Intellectual Beverage”?

Did You Know?  

  • In 1963, major league baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, an hour after Neil Armstrong set foot on the surface of the moon, Perry hit his first, and only, home run while playing for the San Francisco Giants.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather have to hunt for everything you eat or eat only McDonald's for every meal?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Coca Cola

Kim KimberlingComment
The Thing Your Marriage Desperately Needs

Insights:

One of the biggest issues in marriages today is a lack of connection. When you don’t have enough relational stock built up, small issues can make for fatal blows to a marriage. 

Too often couples spend too much time mindlessly on a screen and not enough face-to-face connection with each other. I know you’re tired of hearing that we all spend too much time on our screens, but it’s true and I predict that unless we do something radical in our marriages now to change this - that we are going to see huge divorce implications because of this in the next 10 years. 

Your marriage needs mundane moments together. Your marriage needs space and boredom that leads to connection and meaningful moments. If you are going all the time and then spending all your downtime on a screen you are not going to connect with your spouse. And when you don’t connect with your spouse you aren’t building the stock you need to sustain your marriage for a lifetime. 

Here are 3 ways to build relational stock in your marriage:

  • Make memories. Relationships are built on memories. They cannot sustain without them. If you don’t have memories with each other- what do you have? You’re strangers. So you need to make a point to build memories together. Do this by having a weekly date night (phone free!), intentionally connecting for at least 30 minutes a day, and trying new things together. Play games, go on a walk, take mundane moments like when you are doing chores or running errands and spend them together - this is when life happens and memories are built. 

  • Talking about dreams, goals, and the future. Knowing a person’s heart and dreams helps build relational stock. Your spouse should know your craziest dreams and ambitions. Your spouse should know things about you no one else does. Ask good questions. Enjoy each other for all that you are. 

  • Eye contact. This is HUGE guys. You need to look at your spouse in the eyes when you are speaking to them. Look up and look at them when you are talking to them. There is so much science to back this up. So much happens in our brains when we make eye contact with another human being. Your brain and your spouse need that eye contact! You are missing so much of what your spouse is saying if you aren’t looking at them and you’re definitely missing out on building relational stock if you aren’t looking your spouse in the eyes. 

 Next Steps For You:

  • What can you do together to begin building healthy memories?

  • Set aside time to begin talking about dreams, goals, and your future together.

  • Practice eye contact until it is a habit!

2 Minute Drill

Marriage Without Porn with Matt Cline

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Jerry Mathers

Jerry Mathers “The Beaver'' was born on June 2, 1948 in Sioux City, Iowa. His first “role” was as a department store model at age 2. He is best known for his role as “The Beaver” on the Leave it To Beaver sitcom from 1957 to 1963. For fun, let’s use quotes from Jerry as he portrayed the younger son of Ward and June Cleaver.

Wally Cleaver: Did Dad hit ya?

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: No.

Wally Cleaver: Did he yell at ya?

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: No.

Wally Cleaver: Then why ya cryin'?

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: Sometimes things get so messed up, crying is the only thing you can do.

Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver: If I had my choice between a three pound bass and a girl, I'd take the three pound bass.

This Week’s Trivia Question: Snacks

  • What classic, salty snack tastes uber buttery but is surprisingly vegan?

Did You Know?  

  • Along with his reputation for being one of the nicest men in America, Fred Rogers was also well known for his signature zip-up cardigans sweaters. Did you know that his mom knit all of his sweaters?

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather have an unlimited supply of Chick-fil-A or Taco Bell?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Ritz Crackers

Kim KimberlingComment