How Do I Put God First?

Insights:

Depending on how long you have been following me and Awesome Marriage, you have heard me say “God first, spouse second” a million times - or more! Yet, I often get this question, “How do I do that?” So, this week let's look at putting and keeping God first. Next week we will look at how to put and keep your spouse second. 

First, there is no shortcut to putting God first. Sure, it is a choice only you can make, but making that choice and actually doing something about it are different. If I choose to play baseball but never buy a bat and glove and never practice, I have not taken a step necessary to get me playing the game. Setting aside time every day to spend time with God is essential. It is taking time to pray and bring all your concerns to Him. It is reading the Bible and taking the time to understand what it says to you. Spending time with God is not a burden. Over time you will experience Him more and be drawn more to Him and what He wants for you. You are hanging out with Someone that loves you more that you will ever know and is also the Creator of everything.  

Second, it is spending time with other Christians. It’s finding people that are seeking to put Him first in their lives too and hanging out with them. For me, I have always been amazed how faith in God unites us with others. I have friendships where the only thing we have in common is our faith and those are very rich and valuable relationships. For most of us guys, our wife does this much better than we do. Here is an idea for you. Start by joining or starting a couples group. Then take the step to have coffee with one of the guys. I need other Christian men in my life and I believe you do too. 

Third, live out your faith. Let the filter of all you do be God. How does God want you to treat others? How does He want you to treat your spouse and your family? When people interact with you, do they see God’s kindness and compassion in your life? Are you reaching out to others by helping them and giving to God’s causes? 

For me, putting God first is being mindful of Him every minute of every day. That is the standard I want to attain. I may never get there but it is my standard. The truth is that God is always with us and that His deepest desire is to have a relationship with us. It is a lifestyle second to none and it paints a new picture of what life is really all about.

Next Steps For You:

  • When will you set aside your time with God every day? Having a regular time helps create this habit.

  • Who are the other Christians in your life that you can “do life” with? If you have trouble thinking of someone, ask God to help you.

  • Beginning today, how will you live out your faith? Take it one day at a time. It is a process. Don’t get discouraged. Remember, God is full of mercy and grace.

2 Minute Drill

What Are Boundaries in Your Marriage?

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Corrie ten Boom

Corrie was born in April of 1892 in the Netherlands. She and her family helped Jewish people escape from the Nazis during World War II by hiding them in their home. When they were caught, Corrie was arrested and sent to Ravensbruck concentration camp. Her biography recounting her family’s efforts and her faith in God is titled The Hiding Place.

  • Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.

  • Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.

This Week’s Trivia Question: History

  • What was the first fruit that was eaten on the moon?

Did You Know?  

  • There's a Starbucks cup in every shot in the movie Fight Club, starring Brad Pitt and Edward Norton. 

Something To Talk About

  • Would you rather work a job you love that pays a modest salary or a job you’re just OK with that pays twice as much?

Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: There are two episodes of the podcast this week as I interview two of my good friends.  First, a bonus episode with Dr. David Clarke on “How to Love Your Prodigal Child,” then our regularly scheduled podcast with Pastor Mark Batterson.

AM YouTube Channel: 2 Do’s and 2 Don’ts In Marriage

AM YouVersion Plan: As we close in on 4 million Awesome Marriage YouVersion plan subscriptions, I will highlight one of our Top 10 all-time plans each week!

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • A peach!

Kim KimberlingComment
It’s Not “Forgive if You Feel Like It…”

Insights:

Forgiveness is an interesting concept. We want others to be quick to forgive us but sometimes we can drag our feet in forgiving them. Yet, God is very clear that we are to forgive others. It’s not “if you feel like forgiving, then do it;” it is “forgive as you have been forgiven.”

Forgiving your spouse can be a difficult and emotional process, but it is an essential step towards healing and moving forward in your marriage. Here are five things you can do that will help in the process.

  1. Acknowledge your feelings: Recognize and acknowledge your feelings of hurt, anger, and betrayal. It's okay to feel these emotions, and it's important to give yourself time to process them. Don’t forget God gave us ALL of our emotions and they are a sign of what is really going on inside of us and a red flag that there is something we need to do.

  2. Communicate with your spouse: Open and honest communication is essential in rebuilding trust and forgiveness. Talk to your spouse about how you feel and why you were hurt. Listen to their perspective as well and try to understand where they are coming from. Pray for God’s guidance and wisdom as you do this.

  3. Take responsibility for your part: In any conflict or disagreement, both parties usually have some responsibility. Take ownership of your part in the situation and acknowledge any mistakes you may have made. This may be difficult but an important piece of the process.

  4. Set boundaries: If your spouse's actions have caused you pain or hurt, it's important to establish boundaries to protect yourself. Discuss with your spouse what behaviors are unacceptable, and what you need from them to feel safe and secure in the relationship. If you get stuck here, see a Christian counselor.

  5. Work on rebuilding trust: Forgiveness is a process that takes time, but rebuilding trust is essential in moving forward. Make a plan with your spouse on how you will work towards rebuilding trust, and follow through on your commitments. Full transparency is essential. Be patient, understanding, and compassionate with each other along the way.

Next Steps For You:

  • Is there something you are struggling to forgive in your marriage? If so, write it down.

  • Pray for God to help you see the importance of forgiving. 

  • Go through the five steps above.

2 Minute Drill

Dr. Kim and Nancy talk about vulnerability in marriage.

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote:   Leonardo da Vinci

Leonardo was born on April 15, 1452 in Anchiano, Italy. He was born out of wedlock to a successful notary and a lower-class woman in, or near, Vinci. He was educated in Florence by the Italian painter and sculptor Andrea del Verrocchio. Leonardo is identified as one of the greatest painters in the history of art. 

  • "It had long since come to my attention that people of accomplishment rarely sat back and let things happen to them. They went out and happened to things."

  • "Common sense is that which judges the things given to it by other senses."

This Week’s Trivia Question:

Which Ancient Greek writer was famous for his fables?

This Week’s “Did You Know?”

In 2008, a man in Japan bought a nearly black Densuke watermelon for $6,125. (Which was a specialty fruit grown on the island of Hokkaido.)

Something To Talk About

Would you rather get a glimpse of the future or forget something from your past?

Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: Boundaries Q & A  | Ep. 552

AM YouTube Channel: 3 Ways to Jump Start Your New Marriage

AM YouVersion Plan: As we close in on 4 million Awesome Marriage YouVersion plan subscriptions, I will highlight one of our Top 10 all-time plans each week!

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Aesop

Kim KimberlingComment
Do You Have An Awesome Marriage? Take This Quiz to Find Out.

Insights:

Do you ever wonder how your marriage stacks up? Is your marriage awesome, is it on track for awesome, or is there a lot of work to do to get to awesome? 

The following quiz gives you a chance to see the areas where you are doing well and is also a guide to what you need to work on. Answer honestly. Don’t overthink. Compute your score and see how you did below.

DO I HAVE AN AWESOME MARRIAGE?

  1. In our marriage it is important for us to have time to communicate 

    A. Every day

    B. Only if we have something important to say

  2.  If my spouse had to fight for something, my spouse would first fight for

    A. Me

    B. His/her friends

  3. If you and your spouse have a disagreement it is usually

    A. Over something new

    B.Over something we fight about all the time

  4. In our marriage, our good friends and families

    A.Hardly ever interfere

    B.Are often a source of conflict

  5. When we disagree, we usually

    A.Set aside time to work things out

    B.Ignore it until it goes away

  6. Sex in our marriage seems to be 

    A.Better than ever

    B.Losing its spark

  7. My spouse puts my needs first

    A.Most of the time

    B.Never

  8. In our marriage, past relationships with the opposite sex

    A.Stay in the past

    B.Continue to be an issue

  9. If I had to do it over again, I would

    A.Marry the same person

    B.Wait for someone else

  10. Most of my spouse’s expectations of me are

    A.Realistic

    B.Unrealistic

  11. As a couple, we pray together

    A.Almost every day

    B.Seldom, if ever

  12. I feel really connected to my spouse

    A.Most of the time

    B.Not very often

  13. Forgiving my spouse for things that happen in our marriage is

    A.Not always easy, but important to do

    B.Something I cannot do

  14. The time I spend with my spouse 

    A.Draws me closer to him/her

    B.Does not really affect me one way or the other

  15. In our sexual relationship, we take the time to really enjoy each other

    A.Often

    B.Seldom

  16. The amount of financial debt we have as a couple 

    A.Is not a concern

    B.Troubles me a lot

  17. We have a “date night”

    A.Almost every week

    B.Seldom, if ever

  18. We attend church together 

    A.Almost every week

    B.Not very often

  19. We have a lot of distractions in our lives that take away from our marriage

    A.False

    B.True

  20. I will do whatever it takes to have an awesome marriage

    A.True

    B.False

Awesome Marriage Quiz Scoring:

Scoring: Add one point for each “A” answer to get a total. 

If you scored:

18-20 - You have an awesome marriage. Keep up the good work!

15-17 - You are definitely on the right track. With a little more consistent effort, you will have that awesome marriage you are seeking.

12-14 - You are not there yet. Commit to work together and over time you will build an awesome marriage.

11 and below - Your marriage needs some attention but there is a lot of hope.  

Next Steps

Your next step may be to talk to a trusted couple that has a good marriage, or your pastor, or a Christian counselor. With commitment from both of you and some hard work, your marriage can be so much better.


Take a look at Awesome Marriage University. We have courses to help you grow, heal, and improve your marriage.

2 Minute Drill

My good friend Rich Millentree joins me to talk about looking to peers for approval.

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote:  William Booth

William Booth was born on April 10, 1829. He was an English Methodist preacher who, along with his wife, Catherine, founded the Salvation Army and became its first "General." He walked the streets of London to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ to the poor, the homeless, the hungry and the destitute.

  • “Work as if everything depended upon work and pray as if everything depended upon prayer.”

  • “God loves with a great love the man whose heart is bursting with a passion for the impossible.”

This Week’s Trivia Question:

What substance is Han Solo frozen in during "The Empire Strikes Back"?

This Week’s “Did You Know?”

While you sleep you can’t smell anything – even really, really bad or potent smells.

Something To Talk About

Would you rather be able to time travel within a certain range or be able to freeze time?

Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast:Real Life Marriage Boundary Stories | Ep. 551

AM YouTube Channel: 4 Mistakes Most Couples Make In Marriage

AM YouVersion Plan: As we close in on 4 million Awesome Marriage YouVersion Plan subscriptions, we will highlight the Top 10 all time plans beginning with number 10.

Number 7: Sex in Marriage: The Basics—Part 1

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Carbonite

Kim KimberlingComment