The Invisible Thing You Need to Look at In Your Marriage.

Insights:

The Invisible Thing You Need to Look at In Your Marriage

Nancy has something that I have to pay attention to for our marriage to be good. It’s difficult to look at, because it’s invisible. It’s Nancy’s love bank. Every day, I can make deposits to fill it and every day,I can make debits that drain it.

Here are some things that drain her love bank:

  • Have an attitude with her

  • Ignore her because I’m too busy

  • Argue with her about silly stuff 

  • Disrespect her

  • Act like she annoys

  • Pay more attention to my phone than her 

Her love bank won’t stay full if I stop making deposits. I can never take a time out to just coast for a while in my marriage. I can’t rely on my love bank deposits of the past. I have to consistently make new deposits every day in order to keep her love bank full. 

If Nancy’s love bank gets empty, she feels unloved. She will feel distant from me. My rapport with her goes way down. We fight a lot more because I haven’t been doing my part to make her feel loved. 

Here are some things I do that fill up Nancy’s love bank:

  • Tell her I love her

  • Tell her she’s beautiful

  • Send “I love you” texts

  • Take her on fun dates

  • Spend quality time with her

  • Listen to her

  • Encourage her

So what about you? How full or depleted is your spouse’s love bank today? 

Take time today to pay attention to your spouse’s love bank, and learn what you can do to fill it.

Next Steps:

  • Here’s my challenge to you. Sit down with your spouse and ask them what fills up their love bank. Ask them what depletes it. 

  • Start paying attention to the love bank in your marriage and do your part to keep it full.

2 Minute Clip

What happens in a marriage when you “lose” each other? Join me along with Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill to learn “The Power of Identity.”

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  Gordon Ramsay

Gordon James Ramsay was born on November 8, 1966 in Johnstone, Scotland. He is a British celebrity chef, restaurateur, television presenter, and writer. His restaurant group has been awarded 17 Michelin stars overall and currently holds seven. He is one of the best-known and most influential chefs in the world.

  • I don't like looking back. I'm always constantly looking forward. I'm not the one to sort of sit and cry over spilt milk. I'm too busy looking for the next cow.

  • I train my chefs completely differently than anyone else. My young girls and guys, when they come to the kitchen, the first thing they get is a blindfold. They get blindfolded and they get sat down at the chef's table... Unless they can identify what they're tasting, they don't get to cook it.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What actor and comedian appeared in the video for the Paul Simon song “You Can Call Me Al”?

Did You Know?  

  • Did you know armadillos have 4 babies at a time and are all the same sex?   

Something To Talk About Together:

  • Who is your role model for a healthy relationship in the world?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  •  Chevy Chase

Kim KimberlingComment
Are You Having Fun In Your Marriage?

Insights:

When was the last time you and your spouse had fun together? 

Having fun together is vital to the connection in your marriage. It’s a must in your marriage, no matter what season you’re in. If you are not having fun in your marriage, here are three tips to get you on the right track:

1. Check your heart. Sometimes the reason we aren’t having fun is because our heart is hard, we are dealing with internal bitterness, or other internal issues that are keeping us from being able to have fun. It’s very possible that you could have fun if you just position your heart in the right place. You might be missing opportunities for fun because you're grumpy and unconsciously saying “no” to fun. 

I’m not talking about depression, that’s a different story, I’m talking about when you are focusing too much on the negative and dealing with grumpy feelings that you can shake if you shift your heart and position yourself to have fun again. Check your heart and make sure you aren’t getting in your own way of having fun in your marriage. 


2. Celebrate the small stuff. I read that it takes three or four positive life occurrences to offset every negative. Which means we need to look for opportunities to celebrate the good things of life as much as possible. When times are difficult, Nancy and I try to make sure we remember the blessings in our life. We count our blessings and name them out loud. But you can’t just name your blessings - you need to mark moments with tangible celebrations. 

Make it a habit to celebrate together. Celebrate the small things. A great week. A good conversation you had with your child. Any and everything good that happens at work. That you communicated well. Celebrate when you solve problems together. When you make decisions together. Celebrating the small stuff often will help highlight your blessings and make your marriage so much more fun. 

3. Ask your friends! Ask other married couples what they do together for fun. You might find some great new ideas! Don’t be afraid to try new things together. You won’t know if you like it until you try it. It’s okay to ask for help and to get ideas from other couples, your marriage will be stronger for it. 

Next Steps:

  • What are you dealing with, or not dealing with, that could be affecting the fun in your marriage?

  • Will you commit to resolve those issues with each other?

  • As you begin having fun together again, don’t forget to celebrate the small stuff!

2 Minute Clip

I really enjoyed my recent conversation with Dr. Juli Slattery about some common pain points and tensions with intimacy.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Johnny Carson

John William Carson was born on October 23 in Corning, Iowa. He served in the Navy in World War II. He was a comedian, writer and producer and was the host of The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson for thirty years winning six Primetime Emmy Awards.

  • I am one of the lucky people in the world: I found something I always wanted to do, and I have enjoyed every single minute of it.

  • Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are you ready?'

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • On October 1, 1962, Johnny Carson hosted his first Tonight Show. Who was his very first guest?

Did You Know?  

  • The U.S. treasury once printed $100,000 bills. Between December 18, 1934, and January 9, 1935, the bills with Woodrow Wilson’s face were issued to Federal Reserve Banks but never went out to the general public. Which was probably a good idea.  Can you imagine losing one of them?

Something To Talk About Together:

  • If there’s one thing that you could instantly and permanently change in your marriage, what would it be?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Johnny Carson’s first Tonight Show guest was Groucho Marx.

Kim KimberlingComment
The Truth About Sexual Sin

Insights:

The Truth About Sexual Sin

Sexual sin deprives us of the sexual relationship that God designed for us. Porn, lust, masturbation, adultery, sex before marriage  all these sins steal away from God’s best design for sex. God made us and He made sex. So He knows what is best for us when it comes to sex.

I read recently that most people prefer having sex with their spouse as opposed to looking at porn or masturbating, even though having sex with their spouse is more work. But if that’s true, and I believe it is, then why don’t we always “prefer” our spouse? Why aren’t we saving all of our sexual energy for sex with our spouse? Why are we choosing sin and second rate options to the sexual experience? 

God’s best for your sexual experience is you and your spouse, and NO ONE ELSE, enjoying each other’s bodies together. It’s loving and serving each other and pleasing one another. It’s connecting and bonding and real intimacy. When you start looking at porn or lusting after someone who isn’t your spouse, it will draw you away from God. You will begin to believe lies and rationalize your behavior. Your view of who God really is will become distorted. I have seen it happen time and time again. 

It is an ongoing battle. Sexual temptation is all around us and the enemy is lying to us about sex too. Our culture is flawed and often, it’s hard not to believe the lies it tells us. It’s so important that we flee from sexual sin so that our marriage bed can be filled with sexual joy.

So if you are struggling with sexual sin - make a plan to do something about it today. FLEE from sexual sin. Don’t hang out with it. Don’t sit in tempting situations. Get accountability, remove situations that make it hard for you to resist your personal sexual sin struggle. Save all of your sexual experience for your marriage bed. You won’t regret it. 


Next Steps:

  • What ways has sexual sin slipped into your life?

  • How has that affected your marriage and your relationship with God?

  • What lies have you chosen to believe?

  • If you are serious about dealing with your sexual sin, take that first step of confession today.

2 Minute Clip

This month on the podcast it’s all about sex in marriage. In this clip Lindsay & I talk about male/female differences in sex.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Alfred Nobel

Born on October 21, 1833 in Stockholm, Nobel was a chemist, engineer, inventor, businessman, and philanthropist. He is known for creating dynamite and for leaving his fortune to establish the Nobel Prize. 

  • I intend to leave after my death a large fund for the promotion of the peace idea, but I am skeptical as to its results.

  • Worry is the stomach's worst poison.

  • A heart can no more be forced to love than a stomach can be forced to digest food by persuasion.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • Students at Purdue University engineered a “licking machine” to find out once and for all how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. How many licks did they conclude it takes?

Did You Know?  

  • Queen Elizabeth II had a stand-in to make sure the sun wouldn’t get in her eyes. Ella Slack had a similar height and stature to the queen, so before big events, she would do a rehearsal to avoid any royal pains like the sun getting in Her Majesty’s eyes. Slack had this role for three decades but was never allowed to sit on the throne - she had to squat above it.

Something To Talk About Together:

  • What is one memory you wish you could live in forever?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • The study showed that it took 364 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop!

Kim Kimberling Comment