Just what is a “risky prayer?”

Insights:

Risky Prayers

Just what are “risky prayers?” Here is my take on the subject. Risky prayers are when we ask God to do something in our lives knowing that His answer may include us making changes and sometimes these changes will be hard for us to do. 

For example, if I pray for God to give me more patience in my marriage, my idea may be that He changes something in Nancy. Then I realize that me being more patient involves changes in me. It might mean that when I am impatient while waiting for Nancy to get ready to go someplace with me, instead of asking her to hurry up and standing over her, I go and sit in my car to wait for her - patience!

In the book of Galations, the apostle Paul lists out 9 fruits of the spirit. The first one is love. That seems simple. Love others. Love your spouse and kids. Love your good friends. Yet, when I pray for God to help me love Nancy the way He wants me to love her, my definition and God’s definition may not be the same. God’s definition of love involves sacrifice and servanthood. Both of those sound good until they don’t because there are times that I want my own way. I want to be selfish sometimes. I want to sit back and let Nancy serve me. 

Are you starting to see how the simple prayer for God to help me love Nancy better requires change on my part, not on hers? It is a risky prayer. 

The bottom line for me is that I need to trust God. I need to trust that the changes He makes in me will be good for me and our marriage. I need to trust that my struggles with wanting my own way, being selfish and wanting Nancy to serve me are not good and will never give me the marriage God designed for us. So we have a choice. We can pray that risky prayer and when we say it we need to be all in or we stay stuck where we are. We need to totally open ourselves up to whatever God wants to do. 

Is that a little scary? Yes, but if I am going to totally open myself up to change, who else loves me like He does? Who else has a perfect plan for me and my marriage? The answer is simple.  It’s God and only God.

Next Steps For You:

  • What area of your life needs some change?

  • What would a “risky prayer” in that area look like?

  • Are you willing to let God in and give Him full access to your life?

2 Minute Clip

So many couples never talk about money and that’s why talking with Julie Baumgardner about “Avoiding Financial Conflict” was so helpful! Check out this clip.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: This week let’s look at some quotes where the author is unknown.

  • People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.

  • Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words.

  • You can’t be a winner and be afraid to lose.

  • A strong man stands up for himself; a stronger man stands up for others.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What is a single strand of spaghetti called?

Rapid Fire Did You Know?  

  • Did you know the first letters of the months July through to November spell JASON?

Something To Talk About:

  • Who in the world is your role model for a healthy relationship/marriage?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Spaghetto

Kim KimberlingComment
What Happens if We Put Pleasure Over Purpose?

Insights:

Pleasure Over Purpose

Pleasure over purpose means choosing the temporary over the eternal. It is doing what I want to do today no matter what. It is about me and my pleasure. Why do we do that? 

Some people want to blame it on our culture but if you look back far enough, you’ll see that selfishness has been around a long time. Look at Adam and Eve in the first book of the Bible. Their purpose was their relationship with God, tending to the beautiful garden where He put them, and enjoying the marriage He gave them. They had everything anyone could want. Yet, by the third chapter of Genesis, they chose pleasure by eating a piece of fruit from a tree God said was hands off. That pleasure did not line up with their purpose.

All of us are vulnerable to making the same choice every day. What is your purpose? What has God designed you to do? What gives meaning to your life and the ones you love? At the end of your life what do you want people to say, think and feel about you? At that time, most of us would want purpose. We want people to say we led a life well lived, followed God’s plan, and loved others well. We would not want a list of all the pleasures we pursued that went against our God-given purpose posted all over social media. Right?

So, if a life of purpose is our ultimate goal, then what we do today determines in some way whether we reach that goal or not. Does this mean we cannot have pleasure? No, of course not! It simply means that pleasure cannot override our purpose. If I choose something that gives me pleasure but is contradictory to my purpose, is it worth it? No. 

Bottom line: pleasure that is consistent with our purpose is awesome, but if pleasure keeps us from fulfilling our purpose, we are on a slippery downhill slope that will never get us the life and the marriage that we want. 

Next Steps For You:

  • What is your God-given purpose? 

  • Are the pleasures you are pursuing today consistent with that purpose?

  • If yes, keep on pursuing. If not, what would it take to get you on track? 

  • Why not take that first step today?

2 Minute Clip

I love that Nancy and I get to record a video each month just for our Marriage Changers. In this clip Nancy and I talk about “How to Flirt.” If you don’t know about our Marriage Changer membership, you can get more info on that HERE.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Charlton Heston

Charlton Heston was born as John Charles Carter on October 4, 1923, in Wilmette, Illinois. He was an actor and received his first Golden Globe Award nomination for playing Moses in The Ten Commandments (1956), and won an Academy Award for Best Actor for his performance in the title role of Ben-Hur (1959).  After announcing he had Alzheimer's disease in 2002, he retired from acting. He died on April 5, 2008.

  • It's hard living up to Moses.

  • There is no duty more noble than that which has called you across the world in defense of freedom. Yours is a mission of hope and humanity for the oppressed. Rest assured that while pretend-patriots talk of supporting you, even as they condemn your noble cause, an unwavering vast majority of Americans share and take pride in your mission. You represent all that is good and right about America and are the true face of American patriotism. You walk in those same righteous footsteps of all those patriots who, before you, fought to preserve liberty for all. Our prayers and our personal gratitude are with you and your families. May God Bless You, Charlton and Lydia Heston (This message was sent to US Troops in Iraq in 2003.)

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • 2023 marks the 49th season of Saturday Night Live. Who was SNL’s first celebrity host?

Rapid Fire Did You Know?  

  • Blue whale tongues can weigh as much as an elephant! Their hearts, meanwhile, can weigh almost a ton and need to beat just once every ten seconds.

Something To Talk About:

  • If you worked in a circus, what would your job be?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • George Carlin.

Kim KimberlingComment
6 Ways to Create Intimacy In Your Marriage

Insights:

Creating Intimacy In Your Marriage

The online dictionary defines intimacy as “close familiarity or friendship.” It can also be “an intimate act, especially sexual intercourse.” How would you rate the intimacy in your marriage today? Wherever you rated it, you are not alone. I have never counseled a couple that told me their “intimacy tank” was full. No one has ever said that they don’t need any more intimacy in their marriage.  

So how do we get there? How do we get more intimacy? 

Here are 6 ways:

  • Be as unselfish as you can with your spouse. Ask God daily to help you love your spouse the way he/she needs to be loved by you.

  • Be passionate about loving your spouse. Be willing to give up everything for him/her.

  • Spend good, quality time with your spouse every day.

  • Listen well to your spouse. Really hear what they are saying. Let them know you hear them.

  • Have fun with your spouse. Laugh until your stomach hurts.

  • Be completely and totally transparent with your spouse. Hold nothing back. Be an open book. Letting your spouse completely know you is the only way you will know you are loved unconditionally by your spouse.

There are your 6 ways! Can you even imagine your marriage if both of you did this? When I look in the online dictionary for the definition of intimacy next time, I might find your names!  

Next Steps For You:

  • Each of you rate the intimacy in your marriage and then share that number with each other

  • Make a copy of 6 Ways To Build Intimacy and place it somewhere you will see it every day.

  • Encourage each other as you build these into your marriage.

2 Minute Clip

In this clip Dr. Kelly Flanagan and I talk about a surprising finding on conflict resolution in marriage. The full interview is part of the Online Marriage Retreat and it’s one you won’t want to miss!

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Rocky Marciano

Rocco Francis Marchegiano was born on September 1, 1923 in Brockton, Massachusetts to Italian immigrant parents. He was an American professional boxer who competed from 1947 to 1955, and held the world heavyweight title from 1952 to 1956. He is the only heavyweight champion to have finished his career undefeated.

  • Why waltz with a guy for 10 rounds if you can knock him out in one?

  • There is no doubt that man is a competitive animal and there is no place where this fact is more obvious than in the ring. There is no second place. Either you win or you lose. When they call you a champion, it's because you don't lose. To win takes a complete commitment of mind and body.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What mammal always sleeps with one eye open?

Rapid Fire Did You Know?  

  • Did you know Disneyland has an underground tunnel system? The tunnels were built in response to characters having to run through other lands to get to their posts, which spoiled the magic. Thanks to the tunnels, you won’t see a Tomorrowland spaceman in the Old West–inspired Frontierland.

Something To Talk About:

  • If you could have one superpower what would it be?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Dolphins. Only half of their brain sleeps at one time, so while one side of the brain rests, the opposite eye remains open .

Kim KimberlingComment