Three More Tips to Having Great Sex in Your Marriage

Insights:

Three More Tips to Having Great Sex in Your Marriage

This is part four of this short series about sex in your marriage. Last week I gave you three tips to having great sex in your marriage and this week here are three more. Remember do not get complacent in your marriage. Keep the excitement in and the frustration out and take your sex in  marriage to a whole new level.

1. Control What You Talk About

When you are being intimate or planning to be intimate, don’t talk about relationship problems or things that need to be done or the kids. Focus on each other. When we get sidetracked by these other things, our sexual arousal can go down. This is especially true for women. One wife described it to me that when her husband mentioned one of their children it was like all the sudden that child was in the room for her mentally. It took her several minutes to mentally remove the child from the room before she could get undressed, let alone aroused. So be careful what you mention before planning to be intimate together. Don’t invite unwanted topics into the bed. Focus on each other. 

2. Invest in Positive Foreplay Flirting and Connection

Flirting is positive foreplay and connects us in a different way.  It is not necessarily sexual in and of itself but it heightens the desire for each other. You may have your own ways of doing foreplay outside of the bedroom. If so, just keep doing them. If you don’t have flirting or positive foreplay in your relationship, find ways to build it in! 

3. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

Before marriage, with just a couple of exceptions, my information on sex came from male peers that were always glad to share their views, which had no validity at all. I think every guy wants every other guy to think that he is a sexual expert, but that’s not usually true. You have a sexual expert in your marriage and it is your spouse. Your spouse is the expert on what they like, don’t like, and want to do and not do. Set a regular time to talk about your sex life. Make it at least one time a month and put it on your calendar.

Our new Awesome Marriage Sex Course is coming to Awesome Marriage University soon! Watch for our announcement!

Questions For You To Think About:

  • Do you need to evaluate the things you talk about before and/or during intimacy?

  • How do you rate “flirting” in your marriage? What would take it up a notch?

  • Set aside a time to talk to the sex expert you are married to.


2 Minute Drill

Debra Fileta on “How Getting Healthy Personally Helps Your Marriage.”

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote: Levi Strauss

Levi was born on February 26, 1829 in Germany and became an American businessman who went into business with one of his customers, Jacob C. Davis. In 1873, they invented and patented blue jeans. 

  • An expert knows all the answers - if you ask the right questions.

This Week’s Trivia Question: Humor

In public places in the state of Florida, what's illegal to do when wearing a swimsuit?

This Week’s “Did You Know?”

In 1992, Singapore banned chewing gum in an effort to keep the city clean and orderly. In 2004, exceptions were made for therapeutic, dental, or nicotine gums.

Something To Talk About

  • Would you rather live in perpetual winter and always be a little too cold or endless summer and always too warm? 

  • How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?


Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: Boundaries For Your Marriage: What They Are and Why They Are Important 

We are kicking off our podcast series about Boundaries in marriage this week.  This week we define them and look at how your marriage can benefit from them. 

AM YouTube Channel: “Before You Make An Assumption - Watch This”

Do you make assumptions about your spouse? How does that reframe how you view them? Is it positive or negative?

AM YouVersion Plan: Traffic Signs and Your Marriage Part 1

We see them every day and they help keep us safe. What would it look like if we took these common signs and applied them to our marriage? Find out in this 5 day plan. 


This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Sing


Kim KimberlingComment
Three Tips to Great Sex in Your Marriage

Insights:

What better month than February to talk about sex in marriage? That is what we will focus on in Insights during February.

Three Tips to Having Great Sex in Your Marriage

One of the worst things you can do with your sex life is to get complacent with it. Excitement drops. Frequency drops. Frustration arises. This week let’s look at three tips. Then we will conclude this series on sex with three more next week.

1. Have Fun

Someone once said that sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. While there is a lot of truth in that, Nancy and I have burst out laughing during sex a number of times. Don’t take sex so seriously that you can’t laugh. Funny things happen.One time we tried a new position and believe it or not, could not figure out how to get untangled. The more we laughed, the more difficult it became. It was funny. We have had a lot of other funny things happen too. Sex makes a lot of memories for a couple. Some are about ecstasy and some are about the humor in our humanness. Think of sex sometimes as a form of play between the two of you and have fun!

2. Each Initiate in Different Ways

It is good for both to initiate at times, although in most marriages one spouse initiates more than the other. As guys, we can get into ruts, so take the time to initiate in a different way. Maybe a back rub or a massage. Maybe a special card or a sticky note. Ladies, we love when you initiate and you can be so creative. One couple shared with me that they do a treasure hunt and the final clue leads to the wife and amazing sex. One of my favorite stories was told by author Kevin Leman. While he was at his office, his wife stripped down naked and wrapped herself in plastic wrap laying on the couch. She thought her timing was perfect and Kevin would soon walk through the door. She had forgotten that Kevin had a late meeting. By the time he walked through the door, she was miserable and sweating from head to toe. So both of you, change your pattern of initiating sex. Be creative -  but be careful!

3. Be a Student of Your Sex Life

Your sex life will evolve over the years of your marriage. What you do and what you do not do will change. Be a student of each other in sex. What do you adjust or focus on during the season of marriage that you are in? Be a student of your spouse. What are they currently enjoying in the bedroom? How do they love to be touched by you? How do they want their foreplay? What excites them the most right now when it comes to sex? What time of day do they most enjoy sex? Talk about your sex life and each other and never lose the joy of learning more.


Our new Awesome Marriage Sex Course is coming to Awesome Marriage University soon! Watch for our announcement!

Questions For You To Think About:

  • What is your favorite funny memory of sex with your spouse?

  • This week, initiate sex with your spouse in a new way.

  • What do the two of you enjoy the most in your sex life in this season of your marriage?


2 Minute Drill

Focusing On The Wrong Things

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote: Mario Andretti

Mario Andretti was born on February 28, 1948 in Montona, Kingdom of Italy, which is now part of Croatia. He is one of the most successful motorsports drivers ever, winning races in Formula One, IndyCar, World Sportscar Championship and NASCAR.

  • Do it no matter what. If you believe in it, it is something very honorable. If somebody around you or your family does not understand it, then that's their problem. But if you do have a passion, an honest passion, just do it.

This Week’s Trivia Question: Art

Name the three primary colors.

This Week’s “Did You Know?”

There’s a Starbucks cup in every scene in the movie “Fight Club.”

Something To Talk About

Would you rather live in reality for the rest of your life or be in The Matrix for the rest of your life?


Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: How To Make Love A Verb In Your Marriage

How do you put your love for your spouse into action? Do your “love actions” speak to your spouse or not? Join us this week!

AM YouTube Channel:    “Don’t Let Inattention Crash Your Marriage”

Inattention is an epidemic and if we are not careful it will be devastating to your marriage. Here are five things you can do to fight back.

AM YouVersion Plan: Sex in Marriage: The Basics Part 2

Part 2 of the Sex in Marriage reading plan will help you honor your spouse and have great sex in your marriage. Join in on this 4 day plan.


This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Red, Yellow, and Blue!


Kim KimberlingComment
Sex is Better When There is Total Trust

Insights:

What better month than February to talk about sex in marriage? That is what we will focus on in Insights during February.

Does your spouse feel safe with you in the bedroom? Is your spouse comfortable with you in bed? Does your spouse trust you with their body? Like everything else in marriage, a healthy sexual relationship has to be built on a foundation of trust, acceptance, safety, empathy, and communication -  plus there needs to be enjoyable non-sexual touching. 

Many guys have trouble seeing how those are all connected for our wife. Yet, the truth is that they are. If your wife is going to be able to give herself completely to you in sex, that foundation has to be built. 

Start by answering these questions:

  • Does your spouse feel like they can say no to sex without being made to feel guilty? 

  • Does your spouse feel like they can say no to specific things in the bedroom?

  • Does your spouse feel confident being fully naked with you?

  • Does your spouse trust that you are not lusting after others? 

  • Does your spouse feel like their feelings matter and that you care for them as a whole person?

A wife once told me that she trusted her husband with everything in their marriage except in the bedroom. He was a good provider and had a strong work ethic. He was a great dad and a really good husband. Yet, in the bedroom, things had happened that caused her to be guarded and to not give herself completely to him. So today is the day to start making sure your spouse feels safe in the bedroom. 

Sex gets good when we have total trust and feel safe in the bedroom, because that’s the way God designed it to be. Our new Awesome Marriage Sex Course is coming to Awesome Marriage University soon! Watch for our announcement!

Questions For You To Think About:

  • Together go over the five questions above.

  • What can you begin doing to make your spouse feel safer in the bedroom?


2 Minute Drill

Dr. David Clarke talks to Dr. Kim about the dangers of codependency.

Quick Hits:

This Week’s Quote: Tom Smothers

Thomas Bolyn Smothers III was born on February 2, 1937. He is an American comedian, composer and musician. He and his brother Dick composed the popular comedy and music duo The Smothers Brothers.

  • When you don't know what you're talking about, it's hard to know when you're finished.

  • Freedom of expression and freedom of speech aren't really important unless they're heard. The freedom of hearing is as important as the freedom of speaking.

This Week’s Trivia Question:  The unicorn is the national animal of which country?

This Week’s Did You Know: There are certain metals like potassium, sodium, lithium, rubidium, and cesium that are reactive, and they tarnish instantly when exposed to air and explode when dropped in water!

Something To Talk About! Would you rather lose your passport or your smartphone?


Awesome Marriage This week

AM Podcast: Overcoming Physical Obstacles to A Great Sex Life 

In this week’s episode Lindsay and I address several of the most common physical barriers to a great sex life in your marriage, to help you find ways to address them and enjoy God’s gift of sex in your marriage! 

AM YouTube Channel:    “2 Steps To Forgiveness”

Forgiveness can be difficult. Here are two steps to forgiveness.

AM YouVersion Plan:Sex in Marriage: The Basics Part 1

Are there basic understandings and beliefs that will help you have a great sex life in your marriage? Yes. Join me in this 5 day plan!


This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Scotland


Kim KimberlingComment