Gratitude is Something You Can Control, Even if Your Marriage Seems Out Of Control
Insights:
5 Things You Can Control When Your Marriage Seems Out Of Control: #5 Gratitude
Sometimes we can feel lost, helpless, and bordering on hopeless in our marriages. Have you ever felt this way? Do you feel that way now? What can you do when you feel this way?
Most of us find things that we think we can control but eventually discover that does not work. There is only one person that you can control and that is the person looking back at you in the mirror. Until we accept that truth, nothing will change. So repeat this three times, “The only person you can control is you.” Now write it down and post it where you see it everyday.
This week let’s look at one final thing you can control: Gratitude
With all that is going on in the world, there are so many things that I am thankful for. No one can take that away from me. Gratitude is something I can control.
How does gratitude make a difference for us? For me, it helps to balance out the negative in life, and actually tips the scales towards the positive. Dwelling on what I have control over, rather than what I don’t makes a difference. It doesn’t change my circumstances, but it does change my perspective. It’s what I choose to focus on. It changes the lens that I view life through. It’s where I put my energy.
A number of years ago I had lunch with a man who was a mentor to me. I was complaining. I was focusing on the negative. I spewed for about ten minutes without even taking a breath. I was on rock bottom and not happy about it. Finally, when I took that breath, he looked at me and smiled and said, “Okay now let’s talk about what you are grateful for.”
At first,I was a little ticked off at him. Didn’t he hear me? There is nothing to be grateful for. I stared back at him with a “what do you expect me to do?” expression. He asked me a series of questions. Are your kids still healthy? Yes. Are they on drugs or involved in anything harmful? No. Does Nancy still love you? Yes. Do you have a church home that you love? Yes. Your counseling practice is going well and you are helping people? Yes. Awesome Marriage has helped change marriages around the world? Yes. Are you healthy? Yes. God still loves you. Yes.
Then he said, “What if you started a gratitude list? Write it down and as other things occur to you add them. Each morning, lift those to God. For the next month, let your prayers only be gratitude. All that other stuff you were complaining about, God knows and He has you covered. You don’t need to dwell on them. Put it all in His hands. He will provide all you need. Just be grateful.”
Then my friend said something to me that I will never forget. It truly changed my perspective. He said, “If the only thing God ever did for you was to send Jesus to die for your sins and be your Savior, isn’t that enough?”
As I left lunch that day, I was changed. I decided to put all my complaints at God’s feet and be grateful each day. It changed my life. Oh, there are still times I can focus on the negative but I don’t get stuck there anymore. I just express gratitude. I just thank Him for all the amazing things in my life. I thank Him for what I have learned from the trials instead of focusing on the trial. I thank Him for the car I have that works really well instead of focusing on the new car my neighbor has, which has always been my dream car. I thank Him for a wife who really works hard at loving me unconditionally. I thank Him for my Savior whose sacrificial love for me is still a mystery to me.
Gratitude. I can control that and so can you.
Next Steps For You:
How often do you take time to be grateful compared to the time you spend complaining?
Make your own gratitude list and then use that as your guide in your time with God.
Do this for 30 days and let me know what God does in your life.
2 Minute Drill
Mark Batterson and I talk about choosing battles well – so that not everything becomes a battle!
Quick Hits
This Week’s Quote: Stan Laurel
Let’s reach way back this week to look at Stan Laurel. Born on June 19, 1890, he was an English comic actor, writer, and film director and half of the comedy duo Laurel and Hardy. Together they made 107 short films, feature films, and cameo roles.
A friend once asked me what comedy was. That floored me. What is comedy? I don't know. Does anybody? Can you define it? All I know is that I learned how to get laughs, and that's all I know about it. You have to learn what people will laugh at, then proceed accordingly.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
This Week’s Trivia Question: The Movies
The films The King's Speech and The English Patient feature which English actor?
Did You Know?
Antarctica is covered in a sheet of ice that's 7,000 feet thick. That is about 19 football fields!
Awesome Marriage This week
AM Podcast: How Does Porn Affect a Marriage?
AM YouTube Channel: Is Marriage Worth It?
AM YouVersion Plan: 6 Prayers For Engaged Couples
This Week’s Trivia Answer:
Colin Firth