5 Things You Can Control When Your Marriage Seems Out Of Control: #4 Taking Care Of Yourself
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5 Things You Can Control When Your Marriage Seems Out Of Control: #4 Taking Care Of Yourself
Sometimes we can feel lost, helpless, and bordering on hopeless in our marriages. Have you ever felt this way? Do you feel that way now? What can you do when you feel this way?
Most of us find things that we think we can control but eventually discover that does not work. There is only one person that you can control and that is the person looking back at you in the mirror. Until we accept that truth, nothing will change. So repeat this three times, “The only person you can control is you.” Now write it down and post it where you see it everyday.
This week let’s look at another thing you can control: Taking Care Of Yourself.
You are not Superman or Wonder Woman. You are human and when you admit that, you have made the first step towards giving yourself permission to take care of yourself.
Sometimes you will be the only one who sees your need. Maybe your spouse does not see it because you don’t show them. Maybe you are really trying to get all your self esteem from being a great parent, spouse or both. Now, there is nothing wrong with being the parent and spouse God wants you to be. That is actually healthy. What is unhealthy is getting your whole identity from those roles and you are wearing yourself out.
Plus you will find that what you do is never enough. You are always evaluating yourself. It's like you are climbing this great ladder and each time you reach the top you add on another rung or two to climb. You may fool yourself for a while thinking you are in control but you are heading towards a train wreck.
Taking care of your mental, spiritual and physical health is not just okay for you to do, it is essential. Plus, these are things that you can control. Here are a couple of ideas.
1) Your Mental Health
What are you taking in? What do you watch, read or listen to? What do you think or worry about? All of these go into your mental health. Try this, make a list of the things you watch and listen to. How do these things make you feel? Are they positive or negative? Do they lift you up or let you down?
As far as “worry,” list out all your worries. Then go back and circle each one that you have no control over. You now have your new prayer list. Lift them to God each day and leave them in God’s hands. This will take some work and practice, especially if you have been a chronic worrier for a long time but don’t give up.
Now look at the things left on your list that you do have control over. Make a plan for each and then carry out that plan or take them one at a time and work on them. You have just put some structure to your worries and you will not believe the difference it makes for you.
2) Your Spiritual Health
Part of good spiritual health involves doing what we just did with your worries. Now what else helps? I want you to have a daily time with just you and God. I know you don’t have the time. Right, I get that but this is super important for you. It may take a little schedule rearranging or getting up earlier. Start with 30 minutes a day. Nancy and I both have found that first thing in the morning works for us. The important thing is to find a time that works for you and stick with it. In that time, pray and read the Bible. There are so many great YouVersion plans on the Bible app on so many different topics. At Awesome Marriage we have over 40 plans there.
Here are a couple of other things that are great for spiritual health. A couples Bible study and not just attending church but getting connected there. All of these are things you can do that are in your control.
3) Your Physical Health
This is another thing you think you don't have time for but, I promise, you really do. Number one is sleep. Sleep is essential. If you have any doubts about the importance of sleep, read or listen to Why We Sleep, by Matthew Walker. It will change the way you look at sleep and how vital it is to our lives.
Eating healthy and working out really make a difference. You feel better and you feel better about yourself. Eat healthy. Cook healthy. Work in a splurge or two a week but be aware of what you are putting into your body. Then think about workouts, walks, runs, workout videos, exercise groups.
Just start somewhere because you need it and your body needs it. Consider a family gym membership. That can be a great investment in your physical health. You have complete control over your physical health. What are you going to do about it?
Taking care of yourself is so important. You are not being selfish; actually taking care of yourself is one of the absolute best things you can do for yourself and your family!
Next Steps For You:
What do you need to do to take better care of yourself?
What has kept you from taking care of yourself in the past?
Will you commit to take better care of your mental, spiritual, and emotional health beginning today?
2 Minute Drill
In this clip from our conversation, Gary Thomas spells out some of the ways internal stress can damage a marriage
Quick Hits
This Week’s Quote: Vince Lombardi
Vincent Thomas Lombardi was born on June 11, 1913 in Brooklyn. He is often considered the greatest coach in football history. He is best known as the head coach of the Green Bay Packers during the 1960s, leading them to three straight and five total NFL Championships in seven years, in addition to winning the first two Super Bowls at the conclusion of the 1966 and 1967 NFL seasons.
We would accomplish many more things if we did not think of them as impossible.
Football is a great deal like life in that it teaches that work, sacrifice, perseverance, competitive drive, selflessness and respect for authority is the price that each and every one of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.
Read more Vince Lombardi quotes here
This Week’s Trivia Question: History
What Benedictine monk invented champagne?
Did You Know?
You know that Mister Rogers was known for his zip-up cardigan sweaters, but did you know that his mother knit each of them?
Awesome Marriage This week
AM Podcast: When God Meets Us Where We Are with Eric and Erikah Rivera
AM YouTube Channel: 3 Quick & Simple Things You Can Say To Change Your Marriage Today
AM YouVersion Plan: “4 Ways To Fight Fair In Marriage” by Christina Dodson, COO of Awesome Marriage
This Week’s Trivia Answer:
Dom Pierre Pérignon