Have you dealt with jealousy in your marriage?
Insights:
Have you ever been jealous? All of us are vulnerable to jealousy. When Nancy and I started dating, she was also going on dates with a couple of other guys at TCU. I was jealous and I worked hard to eliminate the competition. In my mind, I justified my jealousy as part of pursuing a relationship with her. It was only a couple of months until we were exclusive with one another. In the big picture, I won!
A few months ago, something interesting happened. I was through an old file box and found the calendar Nancy used that first spring semester of our dating. “Date with Kim” appeared on a lot of the days but there were also “dates with ____,” and “dates with _____.” I felt this wave of jealousy come over me. It wasn’t at all rational but it was there.
Jealousy is a destructive emotion and leads to negative consequences in marriage. Fortunately, I came back to my senses and the jealousy subsided. Yet, it reminded me of Galatians 5, where Paul warns us of “acts of the flesh” and jealousy is one of them. It is a natural emotion that raises a red flag for us but it is not dealt with in a marriage, jealousy can kill the marriage.
If jealousy is something you ever deal with, here are 5 ways to handle it.
Identify the root cause: Identify the root cause of your jealousy. Is it because of something your spouse is doing, or is it due to your own insecurities? By understanding the root cause, you can work on finding solutions.
Communicate openly: Talk to your spouse openly and honestly about your feelings of jealousy. It's essential to have an open dialogue and express how you feel without being accusatory or attacking. Communication is key to resolving any issues.
Focus on the positive: Instead of focusing on what you don't have or what your spouse is doing wrong, focus on what you have and what your spouse is doing right. Show appreciation for the things your spouse does well and the qualities that make them special.
Trust your spouse: Trust is crucial in any relationship. If you trust your spouse, it's easier to overcome feelings of jealousy. Trust takes time to build, but it's essential to work towards building it.
Seek professional help: If your jealousy is causing significant problems in your marriage and you're unable to resolve it on your own, seek professional help. A Christian marriage counselor can help you work through your emotions, overcome jealousy, and address other issues in your marriage.
Next Steps For You:
Is jealousy an issue in your marriage?
If you answered yes, seek to find the root cause. Ask God to reveal it to you.
Focus on the positive and on your part in building trust.
2 Minute Drill
Christian recording artist Mike Donehey and I talk about the value of disagreements in marriage.
Quick Hits
This Week’s Quote: Willie Mays “The Say Hey Kid”
Born on May 6, 1931, Mays joined the Birmingham Black Barons of the Negro American League in 1948, and played with them until the Giants signed him after he graduated from high school in 1950.
Mays was regarded as one of the greatest players ever, ranking second behind only Babe Ruth on most all-time lists.
I was very fortunate to play sports. All the anger in me went out. I had to do what I had to do. If you stay angry all the time, then you really don't have a good life.
They throw the ball, I hit it. They hit the ball, I catch it.
This Week’s Trivia Question: History
Who was Saturday Night Live’s first celebrity host?
Did You Know?
"Arachibutyrophobia" is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.
Something To Talk About
When something has happened that needs to be resolved, would you rather the other person be direct and let you know what they’re upset about or take longer to say what’s on their mind but express it gently?
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AM YouVersion Plan: As we close in on 4 million Awesome Marriage YouVersion plan subscriptions, I will highlight one of our Top 10 all-time plans each week!
This Week’s Trivia Answer:
George Carlin