5 Things You Can Control When Your Marriage Seems Out Of Control #2: Speaking Positively
Insights:
5 Things You Can Control When Your Marriage Seems Out Of Control #2: SPEAKING POSITIVELY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Sometimes in our marriages we can feel lost, helpless, and bordering on hopelessness. Have you ever felt this way? Do you feel that way now? What can you do when you feel this way?
Honestly, most of us begin to find things that we think we can control and eventually discover that does not work. There is only one person that you can control and that is the person looking back at you in the mirror. That is “truth” and until we accept that truth, nothing will change. So repeat this three times, “The only person you can control is you.” Now write it down and post it where you see it everyday.
This week let’s look at another thing you can control: speaking positively about your spouse.
#2: SPEAKING POSITIVELY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE
Scripture is full of warnings about our words. Our words are powerful. Our words can be good or bad. They can be positive or negative. Think about it this way. How do you want your spouse to speak about you? Now, you cannot control them but again, you can control yourself. Sometimes we vent. Sometimes we need that outlet but we also need to be very careful who we vent to. We also need to be clear about what we are saying and why.
When I vent to someone about our marriage, I tell them that I just need to talk, I need to verbalize things, I need to get some things out. I am not asking for them to side with me or even to give me advice. I need them to listen well, to tell me if I am off base, and to pray with and for me. That brings healing to me and ultimately my marriage and I’m not throwing Nancy under the bus. I’m trying to figure out the situation and to take the steps to get my marriage back on track.
I have counseled people who have made their spouse out to be a monster of sorts by complaining about them to their friends. They get empathy from their friends. They complain more. They get bad advice. Finally, all the negative things they have been saying become reality. Instead of being a team working to build a marriage, they are adversaries chipping away at the marriage piece by piece. If we say negative things about our spouse, we begin to believe them and eventually they crowd out all the good things.
Commit to doing this for the next 30 days. Ask God to help you to only say positive things about your spouse. You may need God to point out some of those things to you. So ask God to do that and He will.
This is what I think will happen. You will begin to see your spouse in a different light. You will think first of the positive. Your words to your spouse and about them will change. Dr. Norman Vicent Peale, famous pastor of Marble Collegiate Church in NYC, sold a lot of the books he wrote titled “The Power of Positive Thinking.” The Apostle Paul also wrote about positive thinking when he talked about renewing your mind. Today I’m talking to you about the power of positive speaking. Speaking positively about your spouse. It’s another thing you can control that will make a difference.
Next Steps For You:
When are you tempted to speak negatively about your spouse?
What would renewing your mind in this area look like to you?
Will you commit to working on this with God as your guide?
Get help to think positively about your spouse and marriage with the 19 Affirmations and Prayers for Your Marriage. It’s a great way to spend time learning and practicing ways to care for your spouse!
2 Minute Drill
Lindsay and I discuss boundaries in your marriage!
Quick Hits
This Week’s Quote: James Brown
Known as the “godfather of soul,” James was born on May 3, 1933 in a small wooden shack in Barnwell, South Carolina to his teenage mother. His family was dirt poor and once lived in a brothel owned by his aunt. He had 17 singles reach #1 and has been inducted into one music hall of fame after another.
My expectations of other people, I double them on myself.
Like Christ said, love thee one another. I learned to do that, and I learned to respect and be appreciative and thankful for what I had.
This Week’s Trivia Question: History
Who always made an appearance in Marvel films until his death?
Did You Know?
Shakespeare invented more than 1,700 words.
The Bard is said to have come up with more than 1,700 words including moonbeam, laughable, eyeball, bump, puking, champion, bedroom, excitement, and zany - all to craft his plays and poems.
Something To Talk About
Would you rather have to sing to every song you hear or dance any time you hear music?
Awesome Marriage This week
AM Podcast: Unpack the Baggage In Your Marriage: Interview with John and Stasi Eldredge
AM YouTube Channel: 3 Things That Will Make Your Married Sex Life Much Better
AM YouVersion Plan: As we close in on 4 million Awesome Marriage YouVersion plan subscriptions, I will highlight one of our Top 10 all-time plans each week!
This Week’s Trivia Answer:
Stan Lee who was an American comic book writer, editor, publisher, and producer.