Some of the Worst Marriage Advice I've Heard...

Insights:

The Absolute Worst Marriage Advice Ever - Part 1

There are a lot of well meaning people in the world. From day one of our marriage, we had many of them in our lives. We found that those well meaning people often had well meaning advice and yet, some gave advice that was absolutely the worst marriage advice ever. 

This week and next week let’s look at some of their advice and how buying into it affects us and our marriage.

Marriage is easy when you find “the one.”

Are you kidding me? I have never doubted that Nancy was “the one” for me. Has our marriage been easy because of that? No! If we had bought into that advice, our marriage would have lasted six months or less. We would have felt hopeless because we did not marry “the one.” How about instead: Marriage is hard, but going through it together grows us and our marriage, which makes it worth all the effort.

Don’t argue, because conflict is a sign of a bad marriage.

If this were true, it would mean Nancy and I have a horrible marriage. The real truth is that Nancy and I are different. You and your spouse are different. Differences cause conflict. The key in marriage is embracing the differences and working through the conflicts so your marriage wins. Conflict itself is neither good nor bad. The key in marriage is how we handle that conflict.  

Never go to bed angry.

I’m not sure how long I can go without sleep but if we had heeded this advice, we would have had many sleepless nights. Let’s look at it another way: If there is a conflict in our marriage, we try to resolve it as soon as possible, but if we cannot then we commit to each other to work on it again the next day, then we make sure that we do. Plus, Nancy and I are both better at resolving issues when we are well rested.  

In a good marriage, romance and passion will always be alive.

In your marriage, you will not always be on the mountaintop. You will not always experience the romance and passion that you desire in your marriage. You both are human, so your emotions will come and go. When you base everything in marriage on our feelings and emotions, you leave out a big marriage essential: “commitment.” Commitment to each other, to God and to the vows that you took together. When you are committed, you can weather the ups and downs of marriage. That commitment will keep you connected, and connection will in turn spark romance and passion.


Next Steps:

  • Of the four pieces of “worst marriage advice ever” in today’s Insights, which ones have you bought into?

  • Which one(s) will you begin working on together?

I enjoyed interviewing Don and Suzanne Manning, and they shared some great tips on how to talk with your child.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

 Wayne Gretzky

Wayne Douglas Gretzky was born on January 26, 1961, in Brantford, Ontario. He is a former Canadian professional ice hockey player and former head coach. He played 20 seasons in the National Hockey League. Nicknamed "the Great One," he has been called the greatest ice hockey player ever by many sportswriters.

  • You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

  • My kids are no different than anyone else's - they tend to disagree with everything I say!

  • I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • Johnny Depp notably modeled Jack Sparrow, his memorable character from "Pirates of the Caribbean," after which rock guitarist?

Did You Know:    

  • All the world’s bacteria stacked on top of each other would stretch for 10 billion light-years. Together, Earth's 0.001mm-long microbes could wrap around the Milky Way over 20,000 times.

Something to Talk About:

  • What are your 5 core values?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  •  Keith Richards    

Kim KimberlingComment
What Does It Really Mean to YIELD to Your Spouse?

Insights:

YIELD: A Sign For Your Marriage

It was a beautiful day as I drove through my old neighborhood recently. I saw a friend jogging toward me. I looked over to wave at him, and noticed a YIELD sign. This particular sign was right where two roads merge into one. If two cars try to merge from both lanes into one at the same time, the results are not good. Thus, there was a YIELD sign, and it was in my lane. I was supposed to slow down or stop and let the other driver enter the lane before I did. 

I looked up just in time to hit my brakes before I hit another car. It was a close call because I did not obey the YIELD sign.  

There are YIELD signs all over my marriage too. Too often, I ignore them. To me I often interpret the YIELD to mean that I yield to Nancy’s plans; that I do not get my way and she does. 

What it really means is that I am supposed to be unselfish even when I do not feel like it. There are times I get it and there are times I do not want to get it. 

I have said for years that the number one problem in marriage is selfishness. I should know. I struggle with it just like many of you do.

I have made an interesting observation. When I am driving and obey the YIELD sign, I never have a problem. I never had a wreck from obeying the YIELD sign. In my marriage, when I am unselfish, my marriage is really good. Do you know that Nancy and I have never, ever had a fight when I was being unselfish? Pretty amazing, huh?

What if you envisioned a YIELD sign right next to your spouse? Then, what if you obeyed it?  Finally, what if you did that day after day after day? Would you have an Awesome Marriage? Probably.

NOTE: This advice is intended for a healthy marriage. If you are being hurt or abused in your marriage, do not continue to yield. Seek professional help right away. 


Next Steps:

  • Think about the yield signs in your marriage.

  • Do you follow them?

  • If not, pick one and begin following it today.

Why does stress suddenly seem to pile up out of nowhere? Debra Fileta explains the process of resetting after trauma.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

 Plácido Domingo

Plácido Domingo was born on 21 January 1941 in the Retiro district of Madrid, Spain. He has recorded over a hundred complete operas and is well known for his versatility, regularly performing in Italian, French, German, Spanish, English and Russian in the most prestigious opera houses in the world. In 1990, he began singing with fellow tenors Luciano Pavarotti and José Carreras as part of The Three Tenors. The first Three Tenors recording became the best-selling classical album of all time.

  • When it becomes clear that no one else shares your level of passion, you are where you belong.

  • Should it happen tomorrow, I would fall to my knees to give thanks to God for such a career.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • Who was the first woman inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?

Did You Know:    

  • On average, a person will share a birthday with 19 million other people from a population of over 7 billion. If you were born on the least common day of the year, you would still share the same birthday as 18 million people.

Something to Talk About:

  • If you disappeared with no warning, what explanation would everyone come up with?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  •  Aretha Franklin!  

Kim KimberlingComment
Choosing The Road To Your Desired Marriage Destination

Insights:

“One Way” For Your Marriage 

Are there one way streets where you live? We have them in our downtown area. Their purpose is to make traffic flow smoother, and that actually works. On a one way street, I have four or six lanes going my way instead of two or three. I get where I am going faster, with less hassle. 

Marriage is a one way street; or it needs to be. One way that puts God first. One way is a lifetime commitment to your spouse. One way is for better or worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness or health until you die. It’s keeping your focus on the commitment you made on the day you married your spouse. 

Our problem comes when we think about other “one way streets.” The one we can far too easily hop onto is to put ourselves first. This path puts “self” first, not God. It puts conditions on our commitment to our marriage. It is in direct opposition to our “one way” marriage. It says I am here if things are “for better, for richer, and in health.” It says I’m out of here if things are “for worse, for poorer, or in sickness.” It says I’m only here till things get tough.

The one way marriage street can be bumpy. It may have a few potholes. But it will get us where we want to go. Those other one way streets lead us away from an awesome marriage; sometimes so far away that we never find the way back. 

You have a choice. Which one way street are you going to travel?

Next Steps:

  • What are the one way streets that take your focus off of your marriage?  

  • What do you need to do to stay off of them?  

  • What do you need to do that will get you on and keep you on the one way street that leads to an Awesome Marriage?

How to Deal with With a Slip Back Into Pornography With Matt Cline

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

Mary Lou Retton

Mary Lou was born on January 24, 1968 in Fairmont, West Virginia. She is a retired American gymnast. At the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles, Mary Lou won a gold medal in the individual all-around competition, as well as two silver medals and two bronze medals. She also became the first American woman to be an Olympic all-around champion. 

  • As simple as it sounds, we all must try to be the best person we can: by making the best choices, by making the most of the talents we've been given.

  • For six years, I kept my five Olympic medals wrapped in a plastic bread bag beneath my bed.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • What is the biggest selling music single of all time?

Did You Know:    

  • We are more creative in the shower. If you’ve ever felt like you think better in a warm shower, you’re probably right! The warm water increases the flow of dopamine and makes us more creative.

Something to Talk About:

  • If you could completely get rid of one month out of the year, which month would it be and why?

Awesome Marriage This week

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This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Released in 1997, the biggest selling music single  of all time is “Candle in the Wind”. 

Kim KimberlingComment