Do You Stop When You Need To?

Insights:

Stop - A Sign for Your Marriage

We pass them every day. Sometimes we read them and sometimes we do not. Sometimes we obey them and sometimes we do not. Traffic signs are everywhere. They are there to protect us, to guide us, to warn us, and to bring order. We want every other driver on the roads and highways to abide by them. 

Yet, we on the other hand, want a little flexibility with these signs when it comes to ourselves. If I am in a hurry, I really do not have time to come to a full stop at the STOP sign. If there are no other cars in my line of vision, why do I need to slow down at the YIELD sign? What about the CAUTION sign? After all, I have been driving for a number of years, I do not need a sign to tell me to be cautious. 

Traffic signs are everywhere. I just do not want them to get in my way.

What if there were these same signs in your marriage? Would you read them, obey them, or ignore them? If these were there, would you want your spouse to follow them to the letter?  What about you? Follow or ignore?

Let’s look at the stop sign. It is pretty cut and dry. Stop means stop, and if you don’t, you could get a ticket or you could get smashed by another car. The STOP sign is non-negotiable. If you are taking the driving test to get your driver’s license and you fail to stop at the STOP sign, you fail the driver’s test. Stopping when told to do so is essential. There is no argument. There are no second chances.

There are STOP signs in marriage, and they mean the same thing in marriage as they do on the streets: STOP. When you are angry at your spouse, don’t say or do something that could be devastating for your marriage - STOP. When you are on your mobile device and you are tempted to click on that popup - STOP.  In fact, any time you are close to crossing a line that could or would harm your marriage - STOP.  

The bottom line is to STOP. Do not go there. No trial runs. No baby steps. Not “just this once.” STOP. Make it an absolute. Do not cross the line. The sign says STOP and that is exactly what you must do. Anytime we run a “marriage stop sign,” there are consequences that we could have avoided altogether. 

When we STOP, things are different. There are no consequences for STOP. STOP says I love you and I don’t want to hurt you or our marriage. STOP connects us and allows our marriage to grow.

Next Steps:

  • What are the STOP signs in your life and marriage that you sometimes ignore?

  • What would  be different if instead you stopped?

I loved this idea Dr. Juli Slattery shared about what intimacy in marriage requires.

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

Neil Diamond

Neil Diamond was born on January 24, 1941 in Brooklyn. He has sold over 139 million records and has had 10 Number One Singles. Neil attended Erasmus Hall High School in Brooklyn, and was a member of the Freshman Chorus and Choral Club, along with classmate Barbra Streisand.

  • It's very difficult for me to say 'I love you' but to sing 'I love you' for me is easier.

  • When you're on a merry-go-round, you miss a lot of the scenery.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

  • What color is an airplane's black box?

Did You Know:    

  • Antarctica is covered in a sheet of ice that's 7,000 feet thick. That's about 19 football fields. The U.S. Antarctic Program also notes that if the ice sheet ever suddenly melted, it would raise the sea level worldwide an estimated 200 feet and submerge much of the Gulf and Atlantic coastal areas of the U.S.

Something to Talk About:

  • If you were on a month-long trip, would you rather visit many different countries for only a few days each or spend the entire month in one place and get to know that country more in-depth? 

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • An airplane's black box is actually orange! 

Kim KimberlingComment
Don’t fall into the same pattern most people do…

Insights:

I used to make resolutions for the New Year but I stopped. I had fallen into the same pattern that most people fall into: Researchers say that only 9% of Americans complete the resolutions they make. In fact, 23% give up after one week and 43% by the end of January.

Instead, Nancy and I celebrate the beginning of a new year as another opportunity to spend time TOGETHER and make resolutions TOGETHER to continue to grow our marriage. Here are some of the things that are meaningful to us and I think will be for you too.

  1. We find a time to be together without distractions and look back on the past year. What were our highs and what were our lows? What did God teach us through these.

  2. Discuss your dreams and goals for the coming year as a couple. Is there one area you want to focus on? Maybe it is communication, sex, conflict resolution or something else. Download one or more of our resources to help you get going. Here is the link to find those: https://awesomemarriage.com/resources.

  3. Celebrate by creating a new tradition that you can continue year after year. It could be a meal, an activity, or anything that is meaningful to the two of you.

  4. Renew your vows. This does not have to be fancy or elaborate. You can Google “Christian Wedding Vows” and go from there. It can be just between the two of you or with some of the special people in your life.

  5. On New Year’s Eve, celebrate all God has done, is doing and will do in each of you and your marriage. Celebrate with a kiss and a toast!

Remember, the most important thing is to be together and celebrate in a way that creates an awesome memory for you!

Next Steps:

  • Pick one or more of the suggestions above and get your marriage off to a great start in 2024!

I enjoyed talking to Christian recording artist Mike Donehey on “How to Stay in Love.” Check out this clip of our conversation!

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote:  

Charles Goodyear

American self-taught chemist Charles Goodyear was born on December 29,1800. He was also a manufacturing engineer who developed vulcanized rubber which he patented on June 15, 1884. His invention was used for many things but two that are a part of all of our lives today are footwear and tires. He did not found The Goodyear Tire and Rubber Company, but it was named after him.

  • A man has cause for regret only when he sows and no one reaps.

  • Life should not be estimated exclusively by the standard of dollars and cents.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • To ring in the New Year, here are 3 quick and 1 really tough trivia questions for you.

    1. In Scottish traditions, who do you kiss at midnight on New Year's Eve?

    2. Who is credited with writing the poem "Auld Lang Syne?"

    3. How much confetti is dropped in Times Square on New Year's Eve?

    1 Tough One: According to the International Date Line, where on Earth is New Year's celebrated first each year?

Did You Know?  

  • New Year's Eve in Greenland is a unique experience. Not just because of the beautiful fireworks lighting up the polar night, but also because you get to celebrate the New Year twice: At 8:00 PM for Denmark (and other CET countries) and at midnight for Greenland!

Something To Talk About Together:

  • Share your predictions for 2024.

    • What significant events will happen? 

    • What products or companies will be successful? 

    • What trends or fashions will be popular?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Everyone in the room!

  • Robert Burns

  • About one ton.

    • The Tough One: The Kiritimati Atoll in Kiribati  

Kim KimberlingComment
This has become a Christmas tradition for me …

Insights:

It has become a tradition each year for me during Christmas Week to share a story with you that has been a part of my Christmases as far back as I can remember. It captures the essence of why Jesus came into this cold, dark world over 2,000 years ago. Merry Christmas and enjoy!

The Man and the Birds

Author Unknown

As told by Paul Harvey

The man I’m going to tell you about was not a scrooge. He was a kind, decent, mostly good man; generous to his family and upright in his dealings with other men. 

But he just didn’t believe in all of that incarnation stuff that the churches proclaim at Christmas time. It just didn’t make sense and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just couldn’t swallow the story about God coming to Earth as a man.

He told his wife, “I’m truly sorry to distress you, but I’m not going with you to church this Christmas Eve.” He said he would feel like a hypocrite and that he would much rather just stay at home, but that he would wait up for them. So he stayed home and they went to the midnight service.

Shortly after the family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window to watch the flurries getting heavier and heavier and then he went back to his fireside chair and began to read his newspaper.

Minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound. Then another ... and then another. 

At first he thought someone must be throwing snowballs against the living room window. But when he went to the front door to investigate he found a flock of birds huddled outside miserably in the snow. They’d been caught in the storm and in a desperate search for shelter they had tried to fly through his large landscape window. That is what had been making the sound.

Well, he couldn’t let the poor creatures just lie there and freeze, so he remembered the barn where his children stabled their pony. That would provide a warm shelter. All he would have to do is to direct the birds into the shelter.

Quickly, he put on a coat and galoshes and he tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the doors wide and turned on a light so the birds would know the way in. But the birds did not come in.

So, he figured that food would entice them. He hurried back to the house and fetched some bread crumbs. He sprinkled them on the snow, making a trail of breadcrumbs to the yellow-lighted wide open doorway of the stable. But to his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs.

The birds continued to flap around helplessly in the snow. He tried catching them but could not. He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around and waving his arms. Instead, they scattered in every direction ... every direction except into the warm lighted barn.

And that’s when he realized they were afraid of him. 

“To them,” he reasoned, “I am a strange and terrifying creature. If only I could think of some way to let them know that they can trust me. That I am not trying to hurt them, but to help them. But how?” Any move he made tended to frighten them and confuse them. They just would not follow. They would not be led or shooed because they feared him.

He thought to himself, “If only I could be a bird and mingle with them and speak their language. Then I could tell them not to be afraid. Then I could show them the way to the safe warm ... to the safe warm barn. But I would have to be one of them so they could see ... and hear ... and understand.”

At that moment the church bells began to ring. The sound reached his ears above the sounds of the wind. He stood there listening to the bells, Adeste Fidelis, listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas.

And he sank to his knees in the snow ….

Kim KimberlingComment