How to Apologize to Your Spouse

Insights:

How to Apologize to Your Spouse

So many of us struggle to apologize. I see this issue playing out in the counseling room all the time.

It’s so important that we learn how to apologize well in marriage, because it leads to real forgiveness and healing. Actually dealing with the issue is the only way to fix the issue, and that almost always requires an apology. 

There are good ways to apologize and there are terrible ways. Here are some terrible ways I see couples apologizing:

  • “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  • “I’m sorry you took it that way.”

  • “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry you misunderstood me.” 

Or the worst one: 

  • “I was just kidding.”

That’s not an apology. It’s skirting responsibility. If your spouse was offended, it wasn’t funny. 

All of these apologies lack personal responsibility. Too often, we just put the blame back on our spouse when they are hurt. But is that how you should treat your spouse when they are hurt by your actions or words? By making them feel like it’s their fault they were hurt in the first place? No.

We need to take responsibility when we hurt our spouse and apologize without making them feel more hurt. 

So the next time you hurt your spouse, take full responsibility, say you're sorry. This will show them that they matter to you and that their feelings matter. 

Next Steps For a Couple:

  • When you need to apologize to your spouse, how do you do that? 

  • Are you taking responsibility? 

  • What needs to be different the next time you apologize?

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Warren Buffett

Warren Edward Buffett was born on August 30, 1930 in Omaha, Nebraska. He is an American business magnate, investor, and philanthropist pledging to give away 99 percent of his fortune. Buffett is currently the fifth richest person in the world at $117 billion.

  • A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

  • I am acutely aware that you have not elected me as your President by your ballots, so I ask you to confirm me with your prayers.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • Why do plastic water bottles have expiration dates?

Did You Know?  

  • Blue whale tongues can weigh as much as an elephant. Their hearts, meanwhile, can weigh almost a ton and need to beat just once every ten seconds.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather host a party with five of your closest friends or a potluck that anyone is welcome to come to?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • The water doesn’t expire, but the plastic will start to break down and contaminate the water if consumed past the expiration date.

Kim KimberlingComment
5 Tips For Communication In Difficult Times

Insights:

5 Tips For Communication In Difficult Times 

Marriage the way God intended it is such a beautiful thing. Typically, when you meet your future spouse, you have butterflies and get excited to see them. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s not hard to communicate those feelings. Even if you're shy, chances are you still want to share the sweet feelings you have with them.

So why is it that years into marriage, we struggle to communicate? Things get harder, life can be challenging at times, health may be on the decline, you name it...the list goes on. Why do we find ourselves pulling back in these moments, instead of communicating and growing through them? 

I feel with the demands of life it’s easy (or seems easier anyways) to ignore or avoid conversations that you “think” will cause an argument. This is just what the enemy would want. After all, he has come to kill, steal and destroy. And unfortunately, the enemy loves to cause division among God’s people. 

It’s not really easier to avoid those conversations. Eventually, they will come up, and then the other spouse feels neglected, or like you were keeping things from them. Don’t get caught in these moments. Instead make a habit of being honest and open with your spouse, especially when it’s difficult. These moments can help us grow together and understand each other better. 

Here are 5 tips for keeping the communication going, even in the challenging moments.

  1. Invite God into your conversation - start with prayer.

  2. Tell your spouse how you’re feeling. Are you afraid of what they may think? Are you sad about the situation? Is this conversation exceptionally hard for you? Tell them, so they know where you are at. 

  3. Listen. 

  4. If you don’t agree, take some time to pray about it before responding immediately. (But let your spouse know that’s what you're doing.)

  5. Seek professional counseling to help assist your marriage in having healthy communications. This will benefit every area of your life. 

Here’s the thing. It will be hard at times to communicate through the difficult seasons, but the more you practice honest communication with your spouse, you will begin to see how God can be glorified through these difficulties and you will draw closer to not only God, but your spouse. 


Next Steps For You:

  • Is there a difficult conversation that you need to have with your Spouse?

  • If so, pray and have that conversation today!

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Benjamin Harrison

Born on August 20, 1833 in North Bend, Ohio, Benjamin Harrison was an American lawyer and politician who served as the 23rd president of the United States from 1889 to 1893. He was a member of the Harrison family of Virginia—a grandson of the ninth president, William Henry Harrison, and a great-grandson of Benjamin Harrison V, a Founding Father.

  • The bud of victory is always in the truth.

  • Great lives never go out; they go on.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • How many liters of saliva does the average human produce in their lifetime?

Did You Know?  

  • The Empire State Building has its own ZIP code. It’s home to 10118. 

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather lend someone your car or offer to give them a ride?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Approximately 40,000 liters of saliva.

Kim KimberlingComment
The Great “Quality Vs. Quantity” Debate

Insights:

Quality Time Vs Quantity Time - Which Is Most Important?

It’s a great question and one that I have been asked countless times. “Which is most important: quality time or quantity time?” 

I am married to a “quality time” person. It’s her love language. As long as we have consistent quality time together in our marriage, things usually go amazingly well. It’s about how we use the time together and the key word is connecting. How well do we connect when we spend time together? The better we connect, the better the quality time. For us, connecting usually involves at least one of these: talking, listening, shared activity, and some sort of non-sexual physical touch. 

Does the amount of quality time make a difference for us? I would say yes. If we are connecting well, the longer we connect, the better our marriage.

Let’s say we only have 30 minutes today for time together. Which do you think will do the most for our marriage: Spending that time focusing on each other or streaming a new series? Don’t get me wrong here. We love watching series together, but facing each other, talking and listening connects us even more. 

On the other hand, if we have three hours at home together and are doing separate activities, will we be connected? Maybe, but we won’t feel as connected as we would making those three hours quality time. For Nancy that would be a home run for our marriage.

So here is my take on the whole quality versus quantity argument. If you are seeking to grow your marriage, whether you have five minutes, 30 minutes or three hours, make it the most quality time that you can. Five minutes of connecting will outweigh an hour of “just existing” together anytime. 

My vote is quality! What about you?

Next Steps For You:

  • Which is most important to you? Quality time or quantity of time? What about your spouse?

  • What can you do today to improve both of these?

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Tim Tebow

Timothy Richard Tebow was born on August 14, 1987 in the Philippines to American parents. He is an American football player. While at the University of Florida, he became the first underclassman to win the Heisman Trophy. He was part of the 2007 and 2009 BCS National Championship teams and was voted that games MVP in 2009. Tebow is known for his Christian faith and he became a cultural phenomenon with the 2011 Denver Broncos for his propensity for kneeling on football fields. This led to his form of prayer receiving the neologism "Tebowing."

  • When your identity is found in Christ, your identity never changes. You are always a child of God.

  • Being attracted to someone plays a big part, but there's also so much more than that for me. It's about finding someone sweet and kind - and that has a servant's heart.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • What well-known crispy chocolate candy is sold in baked potato flavor in Japan?

Did You Know?  

  • Before toilet paper was invented, Americans used to use corn cobs.  Alternatively, they’d use periodicals like the Farmers Almanac, which was designed with a hole so it could hang in outhouses.

Something To Talk About:

  • When something has happened that needs to be resolved, would you rather the other person be direct and let you know what they’re upset about or take longer to say what’s on their mind but express it gently?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Kit-Kat.

Kim KimberlingComment