How to Apologize to Your Spouse

Insights:

How to Apologize to Your Spouse

So many of us struggle to apologize. I see this issue playing out in the counseling room all the time.

It’s so important that we learn how to apologize well in marriage, because it leads to real forgiveness and healing. Actually dealing with the issue is the only way to fix the issue, and that almost always requires an apology. 

There are good ways to apologize and there are terrible ways. Here are some terrible ways I see couples apologizing:

  • “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

  • “I’m sorry you took it that way.”

  • “I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry you misunderstood me.” 

Or the worst one: 

  • “I was just kidding.”

That’s not an apology. It’s skirting responsibility. If your spouse was offended, it wasn’t funny. 

All of these apologies lack personal responsibility. Too often, we just put the blame back on our spouse when they are hurt. But is that how you should treat your spouse when they are hurt by your actions or words? By making them feel like it’s their fault they were hurt in the first place? No.

We need to take responsibility when we hurt our spouse and apologize without making them feel more hurt. 

So the next time you hurt your spouse, take full responsibility, say you're sorry. This will show them that they matter to you and that their feelings matter. 

Next Steps For a Couple:

  • When you need to apologize to your spouse, how do you do that? 

  • Are you taking responsibility? 

  • What needs to be different the next time you apologize?

Quick Hits

This Week’s Quote: Warren Buffett

Warren Edward Buffett was born on August 30, 1930 in Omaha, Nebraska. He is an American business magnate, investor, and philanthropist pledging to give away 99 percent of his fortune. Buffett is currently the fifth richest person in the world at $117 billion.

  • A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

  • I am acutely aware that you have not elected me as your President by your ballots, so I ask you to confirm me with your prayers.

This Week’s Trivia Question:

  • Why do plastic water bottles have expiration dates?

Did You Know?  

  • Blue whale tongues can weigh as much as an elephant. Their hearts, meanwhile, can weigh almost a ton and need to beat just once every ten seconds.

Something To Talk About:

  • Would you rather host a party with five of your closest friends or a potluck that anyone is welcome to come to?

Awesome Marriage This week

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • The water doesn’t expire, but the plastic will start to break down and contaminate the water if consumed past the expiration date.

Kim KimberlingComment