This Week’s Quick Hits:

Let’s kick off this last month of 2021 with some December Trivia! 

Answers below

1. Which soft drink was served for the first time on December 1, 1835?

2. Which historic battle commenced on December 16, 1944?

3. Where were five U.S. Navy Avenger torpedo-bombers comprising Flight 19 lost on December 5, 1945?

4. What other soft drink was invented on December 30, 1851?

5. What famous female singer was born on December 2, 1981?

One Fact:

The US has a number of Christmas-related month-long observances, with the most important being National EggNog Month, National Fruit Cake Month, and National Impaired Driving Prevention Month!

Simple Ways to Connect With Your Wife

Read: 

The Judge’s List by John Grisham

John Grisham’s first novel, A Time To Kill, is still my all time favorite, but I really like the fictional character Lacy Stolz, who Grisham introduced to us in his previous book, The Whistler. Lacy works for the Florida Board of Judicial Conduct and one of her judges comes under suspicion when accused of a 20 year old murder by a mysterious woman. The book is a page turner and Grisham’s first venture into the world of a serial killer. In all of his books, Grisham is a master storyteller.  

Listen:

FAQ About Sex!

The questions for this episode came from our recent poll on Instagram. We asked for your questions and you gave them to us! We will talk about frequency, sex drive, talking to your kids about sex, whether anything is not okay for a Christian couple in their sex life, and more! Don’t miss this one!

Watch:

“Life Reversal”

Most of us have the tendency to fight the differences we see in our spouse, which does nothing to enhance our marriage. What if we took the time to look at things from our spouse’s perspective? How could that make a difference? That’s what I am talking about on this week's vlog. Join me on the Awesome Marriage Youtube Channel.

Streaming: 

This is the fourth in a four-part series where I share the four pastors I listen to each week. Pastors Craig Groechel, Matt Chandler and Levi Lusko were my first three. Today Pastor Dylan Dodson joins my list. Dylan is the pastor of New City Church in Raleigh, North Carolina. Dylan is a good friend and I love all that is going on at New City. In his messages, Dylan is open, transparent and insightful. His messages are powerful and kingdom driven. Dylan and Christina have two great children, Finley and Roman. Here is a link to Dylan’s latest message.

Insights:

Purpose Driven Marriage?

There are lots of books that you can read, podcasts you can listen to, and videos that you can watch to help you find your purpose in life. These can also help you look at your purpose from a number of different angles. It could be purpose in your career or purpose in your relationship with God or purpose in something else. Almost twenty years since it was first published, The Purpose Driven Life, by Pastor Rick Warren, continues to be a standard for people trying to understand their purpose in life. 

I think the bottom line is that each of us really do want our life to count. We want to make a difference, whether in our family or the world. As Christians we believe God put us here for a reason and we want to know that purpose in order to begin fulfilling it. 

So if we believe God has a purpose for each of our lives, can we take that a step further and say that God has a purpose for our marriage? What if we borrowed that idea from Pastor Rick Warren and said that each couple that God has put together can have a “purpose driven marriage?” Think about it. What would that mean to you and your spouse? If the most important relationship in this life is our relationship with Christ and the number two relationship in this life is with our spouse, don’t you think God might have a purpose for your marriage?

I don’t have all the answers to this one. It’s just a thought in my mind but one that intrigues me.  Actually, I would like your input as we pursue a “purpose driven marriage.” As I look at our marriage, I see that it has served many purposes over the years. Some of them benefitted us and some benefited others. 

Some examples of “purpose” that have benefitted us - companions, friends, lovers, confidants, partners, supporters. Then there are some that have benefited others. First our children as we joined together with purpose to raise them in the way we believed God wanted us too. Then God has brought couples into our lives for us to mentor. This is always humbling and Nancy and I feel we get much more than we give, but God has given us incredible opportunities to pour into others marriages. I also believe God has a purpose for us today as we share with others what we see as His plan for marriage. 

I hope by now some thoughts are running through your mind. Think about these questions.  

• What is the purpose of your marriage today?  

• What has been the purpose in the past?  

• What might it be in the future?  

As Christian couples, I believe we have purpose and if we do then one of the greatest gifts in marriage would be discovering it together and then with God’s help living it out.  

I would love your input on this. What do you see as your purpose? Has God given you different purposes in different stages of your marriage? Are you stuck and just cannot find what that purpose is? What are your thoughts and ideas? Can we define a “purpose driven marriage?” 

Now it's your turn!

Try it this week: 

A Next Step:

• What is the purpose of your marriage today?  

• What has been the purpose in the past?  

• What might it be in the future?  

December Trivia Answers

1. Dr. Pepper

2. Battle of the Bulge

3. Bermuda Triangle

4. Coca Cola

5. Brittany Spears

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits:

Did you know?

• Grapes light on fire in the microwave! A March 2019 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reported that the fruity fireball occurs as a result of the loose electrons and ions that cluster to form plasma when grapes get hot. (I know this is such a guy deal! I can hear microwaves humming around the world!)

Can You Answer This? 

• What was the biggest new product bomb ever for McDonalds?

Streaming: 

The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill

Mark Driscoll founded Mars Hill Church in 1996. Mark’s charismatic personality positioned the church for rapid growth and the opportunity to be an influential force in evangelicalism. Yet on October 14, 2014, Mark resigned from Mars Hill and within three months Mars Hill ceased to exist. This is a story of power, conflict, and celebrity all gone wrong. This podcast series is so well done by Christianity Today and I think there are many lessons for all of us to learn from the Mars Hill Story.

Listen:

Awesome Marriage Podcast: “The Insecure Spouse”

We all have at least a few insecurities but when do these affect our marriage in a negative way? In this podcast join Christina and I as we give you some practical tips on navigating insecurities in marriage.

Watch:

5 Things To Do To Fight Fair - Stay in Control

Do you ever get out of control with your spouse? Have you tried to get a grip on it but continue to come up empty? In this video, I give you the secret to staying in control!

Read:

Eli’s Best Friend 

My first ever children’s book with illustrator Jeremy Wells will be released on October 19th and will be available everywhere. Pre-order on Amazon Here!

Insights:

A Lifetime of Awesome Sex in Marriage Pt. 4 - Frequency

It’s essential to get on the same page about frequency. It removes one of the biggest hurdles couples face in seeking a healthy sex life. We have to talk about frequency.

The goal is for your sex life to be better for both of you today and to lay the foundation for the rest of your marriage. Don’t lose sight of that goal. From talking to couples in counseling it seems their sex life is rarely or never talked about. 

Here’s how I suggest you start having these conversations: sit facing each other; don’t interrupt each other; really listen when the other person is talking; be able to tell them in your own words what they said. Don’t try to solve everything or talk about everything at one time. See yourselves as a team working together to solve a problem. The goal is a win for each of you and for your marriage. 

People ask me all the time how often it’s “normal” for couples to have sex. Don’t ask what’s “normal” in general, rather what is your normal? Asking how often married couples have sex can be a dangerous question because the answer is what works for that couple in their current season of life. It may be very different for you and the season you are in. 

Normal really is a moving target. You can define your normal for today and this season of your marriage, then it can change when you enter a new season of marriage. So when you begin to talk about frequency, don’t start with “what is a normal sex life?” Start by defining your normal. That is really the only thing that matters. Comparison can really get us in trouble here.  Every couple is unique, therefore what works for them as far as frequency is unique to them and their lives together. Let’s define your normal.

Marriages are different, lives are different, sex drives are different and schedules are different. You want to take all that into consideration when deciding your normal. What is realistic? If you have sex once a week, twice a week, every day, twice a month, or once a month, does that work for you both? When we fight over frequency, our focus shifts and we are no longer embracing the gift of sex in marriage as God intended. 

Your sex life will never be great until you quit arguing over frequency. But don’t miss this:   Frequency is not the issue. The issue is how you handle the frequency issue together. As you talk about it, the goal is not to convince your spouse to see things your way. The goal is to really listen to each other and find a middle ground, a balance that works for each of you. Remember you are not setting your normal for the rest of your marriage - only for this season.  

Stick with this conversation until you reach a solution that works for both of you. Be willing to compromise. Once you agree, try it for a month and then talk about it again. Is it working for you? If not, what needs to change? Think about it this way: If you can stop fighting over frequency, what could that do for your sex life? 

Try it this week: 

Next Steps:

• Considering the season your marriage is in today, what is your normal as far as frequency? Spend time talking about this and define your normal!

Can You Answer This?:  Bubblegum-flavored broccoli, which McDonald’s developed in 2014 as a tastier version of the leafy green for children, was a complete failure.

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.

This Week’s Quick Hits:

Did you know?

• On September 16, 1620, the Mayflower departed Plymouth, England with 102 Pilgrims and about 30 crew members for the new world!

Can You Answer This? 

• According to US stats, more babies on average are born in which month than any other month of the year? (See answer below)

Read:

“Make Your Bed” by Admiral William H. McRaven

Making the bed is something many of us do every day, never thinking of the bigger implications it may have on our lives. William H. McRaven is a retired Navy SEAL with 37 years of experience. The strategies that helped him through difficult times are the 10 life lessons from this book. And, yes, he begins with making your bed.

Listen:

Awesome Marriage Podcast: “The Disconnected Marriage”

Join Christina and I as we define a disconnected marriage and then give you practical ways to connect. 

Watch:

“5 Things to do to Fight Fair: Don’t be Judgmental”

 Where is your focus when you think about your spouse? Are your thoughts helping your marriage or hurting it? How can you keep from being judgmental? Join me in this video as we look at how our thought choices affect our marriage. 

Study:

7 Deadly Sins and Your Marriage 

In this YouVersion plan, we will look at how each of these relate to marriage and how we can open our hearts to God and let Him bring restoration and healing.

Insights:

A Lifetime of Awesome Sex in Marriage Pt. 3

Think about this. What if we asked God what He wanted for us in the sex life in our marriage?  What do you think He would say? Here are some of my thoughts. Sex was designed to knit a couple cloer together. It was designed to give pleasure. Sex brings the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual all together for a couple. God designed sex for us to enjoy.  

In the Old Testament book Song of Solomon, Solomon talks of enjoying his wife’s body. He writes of how both he and his wife are fulfilled; the closeness the sexual relationship brings them; how it helps to grow their love for each other; and how their commitment to each other deepens through sex. In one chapter, Solomon starts at his wife’s head and works his way down her body. In another, he starts at her feet and works his way up. He writes of making love to her all night long. His wife cherishes the way he loves and cares for her. She willingly gives herself to him.That is what God intended. That is what God has for you.

If I asked you what you wanted your sex life in marriage to look like through each of the seasons of marriage - newlyweds, raising kids, empty nest, middle age, older age - what would you say? Would you both say the same thing? 

You have to know what you want if you are going to get there. If I get in my car in OKC to go to Washington DC, but have no map or directions, will I get to DC? Maybe... but probably not. Even if I do, it will take me longer than it should have, and I will have experienced a whole lot of frustration along the way. Same with your sex life. The two of you need a map to help you get where you want to go.  

So, first question: What do you want most out of your sexual relationship in your marriage?

This is your starting point. Each of you write down your answer and then share what you wrote with each other.  

Try it this week: 

• Considering the season your marriage is in today, what is your first step in making your sex life into what you both want it to be?

Can You Answer This?: September

*Some links are affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. Every dollar made goes directly to the ministry of Awesome Marriage to help couples build awesome marriages. We only promote products we truly recommend.