This Week’s Quick Hits:
Did you know?
Grapes light on fire in the microwave! A March 2019 study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences reported that the fruity fireball occurs as a result of the loose electrons and ions that cluster to form plasma when grapes get hot. (I know this is such a guy deal! I can hear microwaves humming around the world!)
Can You Answer This?
What was the biggest new product bomb ever for McDonalds?
Streaming:
The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill
Mark Driscoll founded Mars Hill Church in 1996. Mark’s charismatic personality positioned the church for rapid growth and the opportunity to be an influential force in evangelicalism. Yet on October 14, 2014, Mark resigned from Mars Hill and within three months Mars Hill ceased to exist. This is a story of power, conflict, and celebrity all gone wrong. This podcast series is so well done by Christianity Today and I think there are many lessons for all of us to learn from the Mars Hill Story.
Listen:
Awesome Marriage Podcast: “The Insecure Spouse”
We all have at least a few insecurities but when do these affect our marriage in a negative way? In this podcast join Christina and I as we give you some practical tips on navigating insecurities in marriage.
Watch:
5 Things To Do To Fight Fair - Stay in Control
Do you ever get out of control with your spouse? Have you tried to get a grip on it but continue to come up empty? In this video, I give you the secret to staying in control!
Read:
Eli’s Best Friend
My first ever children’s book with illustrator Jeremy Wells will be released on October 19th and will be available everywhere. Pre-order on Amazon Here!
Insights:
A Lifetime of Awesome Sex in Marriage Pt. 4 - Frequency
It’s essential to get on the same page about frequency. It removes one of the biggest hurdles couples face in seeking a healthy sex life. We have to talk about frequency.
The goal is for your sex life to be better for both of you today and to lay the foundation for the rest of your marriage. Don’t lose sight of that goal. From talking to couples in counseling it seems their sex life is rarely or never talked about.
Here’s how I suggest you start having these conversations: sit facing each other; don’t interrupt each other; really listen when the other person is talking; be able to tell them in your own words what they said. Don’t try to solve everything or talk about everything at one time. See yourselves as a team working together to solve a problem. The goal is a win for each of you and for your marriage.
People ask me all the time how often it’s “normal” for couples to have sex. Don’t ask what’s “normal” in general, rather what is your normal? Asking how often married couples have sex can be a dangerous question because the answer is what works for that couple in their current season of life. It may be very different for you and the season you are in.
Normal really is a moving target. You can define your normal for today and this season of your marriage, then it can change when you enter a new season of marriage. So when you begin to talk about frequency, don’t start with “what is a normal sex life?” Start by defining your normal. That is really the only thing that matters. Comparison can really get us in trouble here. Every couple is unique, therefore what works for them as far as frequency is unique to them and their lives together. Let’s define your normal.
Marriages are different, lives are different, sex drives are different and schedules are different. You want to take all that into consideration when deciding your normal. What is realistic? If you have sex once a week, twice a week, every day, twice a month, or once a month, does that work for you both? When we fight over frequency, our focus shifts and we are no longer embracing the gift of sex in marriage as God intended.
Your sex life will never be great until you quit arguing over frequency. But don’t miss this: Frequency is not the issue. The issue is how you handle the frequency issue together. As you talk about it, the goal is not to convince your spouse to see things your way. The goal is to really listen to each other and find a middle ground, a balance that works for each of you. Remember you are not setting your normal for the rest of your marriage - only for this season.
Stick with this conversation until you reach a solution that works for both of you. Be willing to compromise. Once you agree, try it for a month and then talk about it again. Is it working for you? If not, what needs to change? Think about it this way: If you can stop fighting over frequency, what could that do for your sex life?
Try it this week:
Next Steps:
Considering the season your marriage is in today, what is your normal as far as frequency? Spend time talking about this and define your normal!
Can You Answer This?: Bubblegum-flavored broccoli, which McDonald’s developed in 2014 as a tastier version of the leafy green for children, was a complete failure.
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