The Way We See Sex: #2 A Wife Wants Her Husband to Be Present
This Week’s Quick Hits:
This Week’s Quote:
Mario Andretti is one of only two drivers to have won races in Formula One, IndyCar, the World Sportscar Championship, and NASCAR. In American pop culture, Andretti’s name has been synonymous with speed.
“If things seem under control, you are just not going fast enough.” – Mario Andretti
More Interesting True Facts:
A shot of espresso contains less caffeine than a cup of coffee. It would take two or three espresso shots to equal the caffeine in a 16 oz. Starbucks coffee.
It's illegal to chew gum in Singapore. In 1992, the Prime Minister of Singapore made the import and sale of chewing gum illegal. In 2002, an exception was made for certain types of sugar-free gum sold by dentists or pharmacists, who must also record the name of anyone who buys it.
The CIA once tried to create spy cats. In a 1960’s project called Acoustic Kitty, CIA operatives attempted to implant listening devices into the ears of cats in hopes of eavesdropping on top-secret conversations. The project was shut down in 1967 after the CIA figured out how difficult it is to train a cat.
What Is A One-Sided Marriage?
Awesome Marriage This Week:
AM Podcast: Feeling Used in Sex | Ep. 514
Have you ever felt “used” in married sex? Sex is one of God’s gifts to a couple in marriage, yet it’s one of the most frequently argued-over topics among couples. It’s also not something many of us can talk candidly about with friends. Our sex life is so personal and intimate that we often struggle silently with sex problems. Join Lindsay and me for this new podcast episode.
AM YouTube Channel: Is It a Good Idea to Marry Your Best Friend?
How does a strong friendship in your marriage help when tough times come? Join me as I share Grace and Mason’s story and how their friendship made a difference as they faced a miscarriage and other hardships.
AM YouVersion Plan: One Foot Out the Door
How are the conversations and relationships around your marriage going? Are they bringing life or death? Do you feel you are struggling with one foot out of the door? This 5-day plan will help you reflect on where your marriage is and then the steps to take to get your marriage where you want it to be.
Dr. Kim’s Insights:
The Way We Look at Sex: #2 A Wife Wants Her Husband to Be Present
Men and women are very different, and not just physically. We usually think and communicate differently and value different things. Differences can draw us together or push us apart and they can improve or wreck our sex life in marriage. I want us to look at 5 differences when it comes to sex. These are taken from a survey we did of married couples. I will spread these out along with other topics over the next few months. I would love your feedback as we unpack these differences.
#2 - A Wife Wants Her Husband to Be Present
You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride. You hold it hostage with one glance of your eyes, with a single jewel of your necklace. Your love delights me. My treasure, my bride. Your love is better than wine, your perfume more fragrant than spices. Your lips are as sweet as nectar, my bride. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Your clothes are scented like the cedars of Lebanon. Song of Solomon 4:9-11
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24
This passage from Song of Solomon paints a picture of husband and wife fully engaged. As Solomon says, “You have captured my heart,” it is clear in his description that his bride has also captured his attention.
Husbands, your wife wants you to be present during sex, both mentally and physically. For her, being mentally present means you’re thinking only of her; being faithful to her in your mind. No intruding thoughts of other women, porn or anything other than her. She wants to know that she turns you on and that you desire her and only her.
This is a struggle for some men. There are two sets of statistics on when the average boy is first exposed to porn; one says eleven and the other says eight. Almost every man has seen porn at some level. If you are a man who has not, consider yourself blessed. Men are visual and what we take in visually sticks. What we have seen with porn or old girlfriends sticks. Those images are in our brains.
No one knows what’s in your mind but you. I think that’s why many men consider unfaithful thoughts to be harmless. Yes, no one else knows, but they are huge barriers in our sex life with our wife. We are not fully embracing her. We are missing out. Plus, I think our wives have a sense when our mind is somewhere else. When we are not fully present mentally and physically and are not thinking of and desiring only her, we are cheating both of us out of the sex God intended for us in our marriage.
We have to replace those with images and thoughts of our wife. We want to be able to say to her what Solomon said to his wife, “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.” I have prayed for many years for my sexual desire to be for Nancy and her only. This lines up with God’s desire for marriage; that “they shall become one flesh.” God has answered that prayer. He will answer it for you.
Next Steps:
What gets in the way of you being fully present with your spouse sexually?
Pray and ask God to keep your mind pure and only focused on your spouse.