On a scale of 1-10, where is your marriage?

Insights:

 Marriage: One to Ten

As Dispatch takes a break for the next few months, I want to revisit the Insights I wrote in the very first Dispatch on November 2, 2019.

If I asked you to rate your marriage today on a scale of one to 10, with 10 being “awesome,” what would you say? Some of you would rate it a 10. Or maybe your marriage is so good that you would say 11 or 12! On the other end of the spectrum, some would say one or zero—or less than zero! 

The majority of us would probably be somewhere in the middle, depending on the day. There are some days you might give your marriage a seven or eight, and other days it might get only a four or five. No matter where you rate your marriage, these insights are for you!

As a counselor, I sometimes see couples that have a “10” marriage put their marriage on autopilot. They worked very hard to get to 10 and think they don’t have to work on it anymore. They assume that they can coast; simply sit back and reap the fruits of their efforts. There’s only one problem with this approach: it doesn’t work. 

If I were an artist (which I am not) and finished a great painting, my work would be over. I could sit back and relax and enjoy looking at it day after day. I wouldn’t have to work on it anymore. Marriage is not like that. Sure, all the effort reaps rewards, but if the effort does not continue, the marriage begins to slip. It is usually a slow process. One day you realize that while you were coasting, your marriage has gone from a 10 to an eight... a seven... a five ... or lower.

There are a lot of problems with a one or zero marriage, but the most damaging is that it is very easy to give up hope. You think, “We have been at one so long that we will never have the marriage we dreamed about.” Without hope, your marriage has no chance to grow. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be that way. There is always hope. The hope is not in what you or your spouse can do; it is in what God can do.

For many in the middle of the scale, the biggest hurdle is getting over the temptation to just settle. You know it could be better and you know it could be worse, so you become complacent and just accept where you are. It’s easier that way. Just exist together and maintain the status quo. Others may have tried over and over to improve your marriage, but the results have been a roller coaster. Things get better, then worse, and then better again—and so on. Today, if you have given up on the “10” marriage, you too have settled.

No matter where your marriage is today, my guess is that you started out dreaming of a 10; but somehow, life got in the way. It happens to almost everybody. It happened to us. At some point over the years of our marriage, Nancy and I could have fit in every category above. Our marriage has been a 10 at times, and a zero at others. Our roller coaster has had some pretty steep hills and some unbelievable drops. Yet here we are today with a marriage that we cherish. 

The day you and your spouse committed your lives to each other, God made a commitment to you. His commitment was—and is—steadfast, even if yours was -- or is -- not. He is still there, and He still has the answers you don’t. No matter where your marriage is today, it can be better. God has a perfect plan. Your first step is so simple, but it will change your marriage. Here it is: Turn your marriage over to God. That’s it. Put Him first in your life and first in your marriage. Do that every day for a year, and you will not even begin to imagine all that God has in store for you. What are you waiting for?

Next Steps:

  • Turn your marriage over to God.

An update from me as the Dispatch takes a break

Quick Hits

This Week’s Music: My good friend Jeff Scott Wood has a new album, titled You Still Love Me Just the Same. This is Jeff’s first worship album to go along with his great country songs. Jeff has been a  friend of Awesome Marriage for years and donated awesome music for us to use on our podcast and in many other ways. The single and album are now available on Spotify, Apple, and iTunes. Check them out!

This Week’s Quote:    Harper Lee

To Kill a Mockingbird is timeless. From the first time I read it in high school to last year when I saw the play production starring Richard Thomas (John Boy Walton) as Atticus Finch, the story has been powerful. Author Harper Lee was born on April 28, 1926 in Monroeville, Alabama and won the 1961 Pulitzer Prize for To Kill a Mockingbird. Her first name, Nelle, was her grandmother's name spelled backwards and the name she used, whereas Harper Lee was primarily her pen name.

  • You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view.

  • The book to read is not the one which thinks for you, but the one which makes you think. No book in the world equals the Bible for that.

  • From childhood on, I did sit in the courtroom watching my father argue cases and talk to juries.

This Week’s Trivia Question: 

Let’s close out trivia with 3 from the movie category

  • What substance is Han Solo frozen in during "The Empire Strikes Back"?

  • What famous character is known for saying, "I'll be back"?

  • Which movie famously featured ‘My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion?

Did You Know:

Ketchup used to be sold as medicine. Back in 1834, people with indigestion were given a prescription for the condiment.

Something to Talk About:

What would you most like to change about yourself if you could?

This Week’s Trivia Answer:

  • Han Solo was frozen in Carbonite

  • The Terminator said “I’ll be back”

  • My Heart Will Go On’ by Celine Dion was in Titanic

Kim KimberlingComment