The Basics of How to Talk About Sex
Insights:
One of the sessions in our new Awesome Marriage “Achieving Awesome Sex In Marriage” online course is titled, “How To Talk About Sex.” This week I want to help you get started talking about sex with your spouse.
Let's begin with this question: When was the last time you and your spouse had a positive conversation about your sex life? If you are like most couples, you (1) have never had a positive conversation about sex or (2) cannot remember the last time you had that conversation. It seems that most couples' conversations about sex don’t go well and either end in an argument or frustration. Sex is one of the really special gifts that we have in marriage. Learning to talk about sex together in a way that strengthens and enhances your sex life in your marriage is one of the best things that you can do for your marriage.
So where do you start? There are 3 main things you need to discuss as a couple when it comes to sex.
First, frequency or quantity of sex. Most couples seem to bog down here. Getting on the same page with frequency is essential. It removes one of the biggest hurdles couples face when seeking a healthy sex life. We have to talk about frequency. Remember this is your frequency during the current season you are in as a couple.
Second, What do you like and not like when it comes to sex? If you were to make a checklist of what goes into quality sex for you, what would be on your list? In marriage, we need to know these things about our spouse. We need to talk about them. It helps us focus on what works and stay away from what does not work.
Finally, what gets in the way of having the sexual relationship you both want? What are the hurdles you need to face, deal with, and overcome together? These hurdles need to be talked about so you can develop a game plan together to deal with them.
Those three topics will get you talking with each other about your sex life. This is a marriage-long conversation. As we go through seasons in marriage, things may change. For Nancy and me, our first big adjustment came when our first child was born. We had to talk about what our sex life would look like. We had five years with just the two of us. Now with a baby, there were changes. They were not bad, we just needed to make sure our sex life didn't go on the back burner for a season. Being intentional with our sex life makes a difference. So begin the conversation about frequency, what you like and not like, and what is getting in the way of a fulfilling sex life for both of you in your marriage.
The new Awesome Marriage “Achieving Awesome Sex In Marriage” course is out. It is designed to help you enjoy the gift of sex in your marriage and deal with the issues that many couples face. I invite you to join me, Nancy, and our good friend and sex expert J. Parker as we help you take your sex life from where it is today to Awesome. Discount code for the course: SEXLAUNCH is only available through the end of the month!
Things For You To Think About:
In this season of your marriage, what is the frequency that works for both of you/ Be willing to compromise. Focus on quality over quantity.
Is there anything that you would like to change in your sex life together?
What gets in the way of your sex life? What can the two of you do together to resolve this?
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